Epsiode 486:

Hello and welcome to Unshakeable with Human Design. I’m your host, Nicole Laino. And today, what I want to break down is something that I notice is that most people want to know what living your purpose will really look like. They’re always asking me, how can I live my purpose? How can I live in alignment with my design? I do readings every single week, and in those readings, I always ask, before I sit down with the person, there’s a questionnaire that they fill out. And I always ask, what are your goals? What do you hope to get out of this reading? And almost always they say something about, I want to learn how to live more in alignment. I want to be more true to myself. I want to live my purpose. 

There is a sense that they want to live kind of in harmony with themselves is usually what we can boil it down to. And I understand, like, that’s kind of where we all start. We all get drawn into it for that, because that is kind of the promise of human design, is that you’re going to live more in harmony with who you are. You’re going to be who you’re meant to be out in the world. And that might be that you have a big mission and you’re like, I want to know what I want to. I’m supposed to. Or I’m called to say, or how I’m going to impact people. That might be your particular focus, or it might just be, you know, I don’t really feel like myself. I don’t really feel like things are easy. 

And I want to know how I can use this system to come back home to what, who I really am, you know, and there’s sort of that possibility and baked into that’s like, maybe I don’t really know who I really am. So they want to know, what does that path look like to getting there? And then when I have the privilege of working with somebody long term, we can go on that journey together and we can really help you stay on that journey. So in this episode, what I’d like to do is I’m going to share a story of a longtime client and her realizations on her incarnation, cross and her design and where she’s landed after we’ve Been working together, I think about two years now. And we just did her messaging call for Business by Design. 

They everybody gets a messaging call with me. And we just did hers. And she was sharing with me some of her realizations. It’s so apparent to me, like, where she’s at. Like, I’m going to share with you that story, and I’m going to kind of break down the four phases of human design growth, like the stages that we all go through. And because I was looking at her and I’m like, oh, you’re in that last stage. This is wonderful, because I love when people get that far. Because so many people do not. They don’t have the right frame of mind. They don’t have the stamina, they don’t have the guidance. A lot of times they don’t have someone there to help them stay on the path. And she did. And she’s also diligent and patient, and she approached this the right way. 

And she went through all of the stages. She didn’t treat this like a quick fix. So I’m gonna share with you the four phases that I see every single person go through. If they can make it all the way to the fourth stage, but every person goes on this journey and then how. I’m gonna kind of tie this in with how the way that you navigate these stages ties in with manifestation and getting what we want and law of Attraction and all of that stuff. Like, there is this link with why I find people have trouble with the energetic stuff. And it’s the same problem that they have with why they can’t make it through the human design journey. It’s the same hurdle that they need to get over. So that’s the breakdown of this episode. 

That’s what I’m going to be taking you through. And before we get started, I did want to remind everybody we do something really cool inside my world. We have an offer that’s been out for a while, and it’s our community, our membership community. I do masterclasses within that community every single month. They are jam packed with value. You get access to not just the masterclass, but the vip. You get to ask me questions. We cover business and human design. All of the things are covered in there as far as, like, living in alignment. 

And everything that we’re talking about in this episode about being guided on your journey, this is one of those places that will allow you to stay on the path, stay committed to it, stay immersed in the process, because when you’re left to your own devices and there’s no touch point to come back to, no call to plug into or mentor to check in with or someone to ask questions or hear other people talking about their journey where you are kind of swimming in this human design, so to speak. Without that, it’s so easy for the not self to take over and just lead you off the path, back to the way it’s always been or back to your mental process. So it’s called the Human Design Authority Lab. It’s awesome. We meet every single month. We do co working sessions. It’s really cool. 

It’s major value for the money. It is, you know, for $500 for the whole year, you can join this membership. It’s amazing. And you can join month to month as well. So all you have to do to get the details on it is DM me the word “lab” on Instagram. I’m @nicolelainoofficial. Or go to nicolelaino.com/lab and you can sign up right there and get the details. Okay, so let’s get into the episode. Let’s break this down. So my client, she and I were sitting down, like I said, for her messaging call and at the start of the call, she and I hadn’t spoken in a little bit directly. We talked and she’s popped into calls and stuff. But it was a nice chance. 

We have a NEW HD membership community where you get ALL of our monthly HD Masterclasses included and so much more!! It is all about creating alignment, action, and consistency in your business with Human Design. To join The HD Authority Lab at the special Founding Member rate click the link: http://nicolelaino.com/lab  or DM Nicole “Lab” on Instagram for info.

The one ones are a nice chance for us to catch up and sort of go a little bit deeper with our catch up. And she was sharing with me that she’s at this point two years in where she’s like, so much of the things that you’ve been saying all along are making so much more sense now. And she was saying, she’s like my incarnation cross. I knew it meant this. I knew you were telling me, you know, it’s about the joy of life and correcting things and changing things and. And I knew the keynotes, I knew the definitions. She’s like. But now I’m like, I get it. And there’s a difference between knowing and getting, knowing and embodying. And she was just talking about how she has, particularly over the last year, which is why I’m always so grateful when people choose to stay. 

She chose to renew in business by design. And I’m always excited and grateful when I get more time with people and especially at that level where I get to work that closely with people, because I know that’s where the magic really starts to happen. The momentum really starts to pick up. You are a different person in year two than you are in year one. Most people, not everybody, most people will come into year one and the first three to six months are like an acclimating period. And that’s fine. No one’s doing anything wrong. But there are certain things. And when I get to the four stages, I. I’ll talk about how to make that journey go a lot faster. But again, it’s. It might not be something that anyone can do. Sometimes there’s just things take time to marinate, to penetrate us. Right? 

So she was like, I finally understand. She’s like, I finally get my incarnation cross. I finally, like, I feel it and I’m not thinking about it all the time. It’s like just there. And something that I say all the time is that your incarnation cross isn’t something that you can do. It’s not a destination, it’s not something that you can make happen. It just starts to show up as you live in alignment. And this is a line that I’m kind of obsessed with. I wish I could remember where I heard might have been Richard Rudd, but I can’t remember exactly where I heard this. But I was like, ooh, I’m keeping that because that is the essence of everything I teach. And the line is this. You are what you contemplate. You are what you contemplate. 

Now I’m going to tie all of this back to that manifestation, law of attraction thing at the end. Because as I go through these four stages, you’ll start to see, hopefully, how all of this stuff clicks together. So what my client was describing was that she went from mental understanding to embodiment. But here’s the funny thing. It’s mental understanding actually comes from embodiment. We think that we will mentally understand something and be able to. Like, she could recite the definitions, but she didn’t really get it until she started to embody it. And now she’s. Two years in, two years from now, it’s going to be wildly different. She’s going to be like, oh, I knew nothing two years ago. I like what I know now in comparison. But relative to what I know now, I knew nothing then. 

But she’s at this level, which, if I can get people here, magic. Because the thing is that you can’t think your way to mental understanding. You cannot think your way there. You will. Where mental understanding comes from is when you embody it. It’s like, oh, I get it. You don’t have to think anymore. It just is there. But when someone asks you and when you are thinking about it, you’re like, I Get it? The understanding, the embodiment. That’s the difference between having a. A way of explaining something, you know, and that’s when I hear people just coming back to the keynotes. When I hear people coming back to like sort of a by rote definition of their, of the. One of their gates, their incarnation, cross, what it means to be a projector, all of that. 

When I hear it coming out a certain way, where it sounds just like the things that we read in books or, you know, see on Instagram or things like that, then I know that they’re not there yet. They’re still in their head, they’re reciting. And reciting is not embodiment. But when you are embodied, those words, you can articulate it, you can explain it. The only reason I can explain things the way that I explain them, the only reason I can tell you a hundred different ways, I can explain to you a hundred different ways of how your design can show up. The reason I can do that is because I have lived this so deeply. And five years from now, that will be even more. I’m not saying I’m done or I’m at some culmination. I just know that I have command of this. 

Not because I’ve read the most books, it’s because I have lived this, felt into all of it. And I am what I contemplate. So what’s the difference between contemplation and thinking? Let’s break that down, because that’s in these four stages of human design growth. So the first stage that everybody enters into this work with is usually obsessive. There is this obsession, it’s mental obsession. Human design can do something for me. I think that it can deliver this for me. What’s the answer? How do It? What do I do now? There’s just very action oriented. And I say obsessive because it’s like your mind is obsessing on answer. Your mind is obsessing, trying to figure out how it can all be done. How can I make my life easier? Think about it. It’s where we all enter. It’s okay. It’s not your fault. 

The only people that I see bypassed this stage are people who have contemplated and gone through a lot of inner work where they’re not at that stage. But it’s very normal for people even who have gone through this to ask questions that sound like that. What do I do with this? How do I use this? How do I live my purpose? How does this work? Right? And the difference between Phase one and phase two of this, you know, four stage process is the first stage is obsessive. The second stage is curious obsessive or curious obsession. Now that is the lighter touch to the obsession. We’re still asking those questions and we still want answer but there is less charge behind it. We are not, there’s a little less of an agenda. It’s, we’re looser with it, there’s a looser grip on it. 

Now we actually start to get somewhere. People will start to. I can see it in them because I can tell when someone comes in to particularly into BBD because we talk so much. They have a telegram with me. They’re also, you know, we’re on calls every single week. They have the lab, they have aligned brand builder. So I see these people sometimes six or seven times a month and I’m talking to them in telegram if they’re putting things up there and stuff like that. So lots of contact. But I can see in that person and I can tell in somebody particularly when they’re in those first six months of the like what am I going to do with this? How do I do this? How do I get this? 

Okay, so I looked this up and you know, I’m trying to figure out like which gate should I be using to write my content. And that’s again not something I’m mad about but it is something that I have to work them out of because we don’t get embodiment from that place. We don’t get it. Now it happens to a lot of people in that first stage or even the second stage. The second stage is curious obsession. We’re getting a little like we’re loosening the grip but we’re still asking those questions. And what can happen here is that some people can never make it past these two stages. So so either they’re so obsessed in that first stage and they stay there looking for the answer, trying to figure it all out. 

They’re trying so hard that the answers don’t come so they put the system down or they get to the second stage and then they get kind of, I don’t know if apathy is the right word. Like they’re just sort of like their heart isn’t into it anymore. They’re still asking those questions but they’re still seeking the question just with less anxiety maybe behind it there’s less of like enthusiasm behind it and that can just lead to kind of getting, you know, putting the system down and just be like, I don’t really know if that works. I tried human design. It didn’t really work for me. And that is a shame. That’s the worst. I hate this because I know how close they are to magic if they can stick with it to the third stage. 

So if you can get over that midpoint, Obsessive, curious, obsessive. And then that midpoint, that’s the real turning point where we can shift you over into just curious. You stop looking for the answers, and you’re just real curious. Like, ooh, I wonder what that means. Not, I wonder what that means. So I can. There’s no more. So I can. There’s a little bit of, like, still wanting to use it, still, like, trying to, like, fit it into your life. So. But you’re curious, so there’s a really light grip here. If I can get you here, I know how much we can do together. I know how much you’ll be able to do even without me, if I can get you to that stage. But where the real magic starts to happen is in stage four. Stage four is contemplative. 

Now we come back to that line that I love. We are what we contemplate. Contemplation has a very different energy to it than even curious. But curiosity is what allows us to be contemplative. I was talking to my client and I was saying. I was like, because you thought about this so much, and then you stopped having the agenda and needing it to be anything. You stopped needing the questions to all have answers, but you still kept asking. Right? That’s curious. We still ask even though we are not actively seeking answer for every question. We’re accepting of the fact that sometimes curiosity is just opening us up to something else. Right, so you’ve done that enough. You’ve thought about it enough. 

You went through all three of these stages, and now contemplative is just sort of like you walk around with all of this in your energy. You’re always contemplating it. It’s always there. I consider myself constantly contemplative. I’m inactively thinking about my design or just experiencing my design and. And being, like, in relationship to it all the time. I think about my gates, I think about my channels, I think about. But it’s not thinking. It’s not all coming from my mind. There is this, like, back of my mind when I’m walking down the street, when I’m in a call, when I’m. It’s always just there. This is where you radically change your life. If you can get truly the contemplative stage, but you almost have to walk through those other ones in order to. 

And you have to have some nervous system work, I find, because it’s the nervous system work that’s going to allow you to relax into all of this, to relax into your process. Because if you are thinking about whether this is a response or wondering if that’s an invitation or can I send this email? Or doing this, you’re still in your head. So you’re not really living it. You’re not really surrendered to the system. And you kind of have to go through those phases of. I think that mistakes and misalignment are the greatest. Teachers. Nothing will show you when you’re out of alignment. Nothing will show you what misalignment feels like. Like misalignment. Nothing will show you what alignment feels like. Misalignment. To know the difference. It’s like muscle memory. 

When you go to the gym and you work out with a trainer, if you work out with a trainer, they’re going to show you and tell you where you’re not hitting the right muscle. Especially when you go to work. Like, when you work, like a smaller muscle, you’re working a smaller muscle group, like the outer edge of your thigh or your hips or something very precise. There’s going to be a precise way that you have to hold your leg and lift it and do whatever it is the exercise is calling for in order to hit that spot. You may never know until they readjust you and they say, no there. Do you feel the difference? Do it wrong. Do it right now. You’re like, okay, I get it. Misalignment does that. 

Misalignment teaches you what alignment feels like, and alignment teaches you what misalignment feels like. You’re like, oh, this is what it feels like to be clear. This is what it feels like to feel my sacral. Which is why it’s an experiment. Okay, so when we get to this contemplative stage, we are able to really lean back into what this system is meant to do, which is we surrender to it. We surrender to the process. We surrender to our process. And all the while, it’s all kind of. We’re swimming in it. I always get this. This vision of, like, it’s like you’re in a tub, you’re in a pool, swimming in this energy of yours, these themes. You are in it. I used the term this afternoon on a call. I was like, you know, it’s like you’re steeping like you are a tea. 

If you put a tea bag in Hot water, it steeps over time and then eventually the water becomes the tea. That’s what we’re doing. You have to steepen the stuff and steeping doesn’t happen instantly. That’s not how it works. It takes time. And the longer it stays in there, the stronger the tea. So the more you can be contemplative. Because if you are obsessive, it takes you out of the process. You’re missing it. You are not steeping. That’s not how it works. You are like flash frying and that’s different, right? You might be able to get some stuff done, you might be able to get some results because you got answer. 

But it’s not getting you to what we’re talking about here, which is alignment, which is the truth of you, which is understanding the intricacies of your own energy to such a level that you become it, really become it. So how all of this connects to manifestation. So when we talk about phase one and phase two, I was saying how you have an agenda, you’ve got a way that you think this is going to work. You know, I’m going to live my purpose and that means that my offers are going to be perfect and everybody’s going to come to me and it all is going to come from this. There’s like this, there is a plan. And you’re like, if I could just figure this one thing out, the plan will all work. You’re looking for the answer. 

It’s really similar to what I see when people start doing energetic work and they try to connect with what they want and they are trying to manifest, so to speak. And they are, they’re trying to manifest or shift their life through their energy. The same problem exists if you’re giving the universe a plan and you’re saying, this is what I want to happen. I want to have a perfect launch. I want it to be six figures and then I want this to happen, and then I want two private clients and then I want a thriving membership. Like I want all of these things. If you prescribe it that way, most likely won’t happen. Because there’s rigidity in here. You get to the way that energetic stuff works. You can want something specific, but it’s more about being able to be open to. 

Here’s ultimately where I want to end up. Here’s what I want to feel like. I’m open to how it arrives. It’s the same light touch that’s required. And it’s the same reason why being rigid with things is contracting. You and contracting your energy. It is putting you in the not self in your design, which is keeping you from your true self and embodying your design, which is keeping you from real understanding of what your design is. So it is this. You have to lean back a little bit. The faster I can get people to curious, the faster I know I can move them into all the things that they’re looking for. It’s just getting them there and helping them get there. Because a lot of people quit before it happens. 

And it’s such a shame because I know what’s possible because I have seen it. And it is magnificent to see with so many people who have gone through and who’ve had the longevity to get through those first two stages and for really wonderful for the people that make it to the fourth. Because now. And like I said to this client, I said, you know what’s so awesome is now you just keep going, you keep following, keep doing what you’re doing. Just keep doing what you’re doing, girl. Listen to yourself, listen to your intuition. So much more is going to show up that in two years from now, your mind is going to be blown. And then two years after that, it’s going to happen again. There’s such peace when you get out of those first two stages. 

But like I said, so many people never make it there. I hope you’re one of them who makes it to those final stages and that you get to experience what it really feels like to embody your design, to embody your individual truth. And I hope that you do that before 2027, when that’s going to be even more important. I think that we’ll be called to it even more if you do the work now, when it comes, you just keep doing what you’re doing versus it. Feeling like the rug got ripped up from under you or that you have no time to catch up. And that’s not to fear Monger. It’s just to make you feel really excited about what you’re doing. 

Because I think that some people, when they’re in that obsessive phase, when you’re trying to get answer, when you’re trying to fulfill an agenda and you’re not getting it, then it’s like, okay, well, I need something that’s gonna get me there. So what’s the next thing? There is a result with human design. It’s just. I wish I could explain it to you, but it’s going to be different for you than it is for me and every client I’ve ever worked with the only universal thing is that they feel at peace. They don’t question their direction. They are aligned moving forward. And when they learn to sell what they do, they have great success. It’s just that it’s the way that it manifests for each person is unique to them. So I hope that you get there. 

If you want to join us in the Human Design Authority lab, all you have to do is DM me “lab” on Instagram or go to nicolelaino.com/lab and we’ll send you all the details on the ways that you can stay in touch with your design, to stay connected with it, to stay on the path, give you those touch points where every month there are multiple sessions for you to plug into to stay connected to this work so that you can make it through stage one, stage two, stage three, and then get to stage four. This is our most affordable and impactful way of being able to deliver this to as many people as possible. I hope you join us in there. It’s a wonderful group, but until then, I wish you well. Have a wonderful day. 

We have a NEW HD membership community where you get ALL of our monthly HD Masterclasses included and so much more!! It is all about creating alignment, action, and consistency in your business with Human Design. To join The HD Authority Lab at the special Founding Member rate click the link: http://nicolelaino.com/lab  or DM Nicole “Lab” on Instagram for info.

And remember, in order to have an unshakable business, you must first become an unshakeable human. So thanks for letting us help you become unshakable with human design. We’ll see you next time.