Hello and welcome to Unshakeable with Human Design, everyone. I’m your host, Nicole Laino. Let’s sit down, just the two of us, grab your coffee, do your thing, get cozy with me, because we’re going to have a little conversation about success today. I want to talk about this one specific thing that has been coming up with my clients and it’s something that I practice and it certainly was not something that came naturally to me.

I’m a bit of a control freak. If you identify as really enjoying and liking and needing control and really enjoy that feeling of being in control of things and it makes you feel shaky when you are not, then you’re really going to want to listen to this. But it’s just something that it’s a skill and it’s an energetic skill to build.

And it’s really important for us to build this skill of, because this is the energy of success. This one thing encapsulates the energy that makes people successful. And if we don’t have it, it will most likely screw with your results or the way that you feel about the results once you get them. Okay.

So this one thing, having it or not having it, if you don’t have this one thing that I’m talking about, this one energetic thing in place, this one practice, if you have not cultivated this state within yourself, it will cause you most likely to plateau or outright fail. Because this is where self sabotage comes from.

This is the energetic source of self sabotage, usually. So, I noticed in my Business by Design mentorship, inside that group, a lot of people are launching the programs that we’ve built together. They are kicking things off and it’s very exciting because it’s a chance to make money. It’s a chance to be putting things out there.

You’re really proud of what you did. You built this business. You built this thing by design. And I’ve seen this consistently coming up over and over again. Now these are people who are training with me to live by their design. So they are getting better at this. They are getting better at the living in alignment. 

They’ve built their brand where it’s highlighting their gifts. They have built their program or whatever their product is that they’re selling according to their strengths, gifts, and superpowers. They’re living along the lines of their design and they are aligning with that. But this one thing still can get them and it starts to get them really worked up.

And this is something I no longer do. And it’s very different from, I also just closed out a launch, although we’re still talking to people and people are still enrolling on the backend, but I’m finishing up a launch. I finished up the Authority Accelerator Masterclass a little over a week ago. And I had a very different experience than these people do.

Now I’ve been launching for a long time. I have done this for a long time. I’ve run programs for several years now. So this is second nature to me. But it isn’t that I’ve just done it so much that it’s easy. It’s still work. But the energy that I have about the work that I do, and this stretches not just to launches, but this stretches to clarity calls or sales calls that you do.

This extends to any interactions that you have with potential clients or even with clients. This is the make or break thing. So I noticed that a lot of people who were starting to launch, they would get really excited about it because they were very caught up in the doing. They were building the thing.

There’s almost no time to think because there’s so much action being taken at that building stage. And particularly my generators usually love this. Their energy is going. They feel really revved up and excited, so the work feels easy for them, they’re building this thing out, they’re really loving the way that it looks, the way that it feels, it’s feeling like a reflection of them. I do teach you how to launch within the group.

Not everyone has to do that, but that is something that we teach inside the program, just so people have a place to, okay, you built the program. Now we’ll at least give you a method that works for us for how you can put it out there and we have variations on it for the different types and how we guide you in doing that in alignment for you.

But my generators, a lot of them, they really feel great presenting their work. So a masterclass style launch is something that we teach them to do. So in building the launch and getting everything together for what they’re going to present, how they’re going to present their information, how they’re going to present their program, that all feels great.

And then right before they’re about to dive into it, right before they’re ready to open the masterclass or whatever it is, the performance, the show is about to go on. Maybe a week or two before, they start to get really, agitated. They start to question a lot of things. They start to get a little freaked out.

And what that can manifest as is what looks like productivity, where they’re getting really focused and trying to control the outcome. By doing more work, asking more questions, asking questions that they might know the answer to already. Asking questions that maybe don’t need to be answered right now, they are not part of the priorities.

And this is the difference between the way that they work and the way that I work now. And this is the difference between consistent success and growth versus being in struggle and failure. And that energetic difference is detachment. They have not cultivated a level of detachment yet. They’re worried about a result.

So they try to force a result. What can I do to make the result happen? Now that doesn’t mean, and this can be concept that people, I certainly didn’t understand it the way that I understand it now when I was first learning this, when I was first being guided to be detached from the outcome. And one of my favorite sayings is one from James Wedmore, from the very first launch I ever did. I had James in my head saying, I will either get the result that I want or the lesson that I need.

And those are not just words. That is a way of being, going into any sort of thing where the stakes feel high. You have to lower this, you have to find a way to work through your emotions about this. So that you can show up and say, no matter what happens, I’m okay. This doesn’t mean anything about me. I don’t change whether this is wildly successful or it is a flopping failure.

I’m still me. I am still worthy. All I did was learn from this experience. I learned things to do again. I learned things that I never want to do again. That’s the energy you need to have when you are approaching anything in your business, honestly. The more detached you can be from the outcome, the more grounded you are.

The more centered you are. The greater your ability to make good decisions. Because it’s anxiety that you’re feeling. That’s fear. What will it mean if it doesn’t go well? And so many people that I find, and I call my clients out on this, I say, you don’t just get one shot at this.

This doesn’t mean anything about you. If you sell one, or you sell ten, or twenty, it doesn’t mean a thing. And I know that that sounds like, of course it means something. It means I made money or I didn’t make money. I made lots of money or I made just a little bit of money. And that could be life changing.

That’s true. There are real world implications to winning and losing for sure. But the art of detachment, what it does is it allows us to show up as our best self. It allows us to make better decisions in the moment. So I can be in a high stakes situation, but I can be looking at it from a perspective of like an observer.

Like I’m not in it emotionally. I’m not emotionally attached to anything that’s going on. So I’m able to make a decision that’s correct in the moment. That is the right thing to do whether it’s hard or it’s not. I can make that decision. When we’re emotionally attached, emotions get in the way and then we make emotional decisions.

And when emotions are high, intelligence is low. That is the difference between being emotionally attached, where your intelligence will be low, where you will be making decisions to get a outcome today, maybe, and maybe burning yourself out or maybe pushing somebody away energetically. So let me give you an example.

Attachment would be, someone says that you have a, sales call with someone and they say they need to think about it. And you say, okay, how long do you need? And you’re in the energy of, I need to make this happen. I need to make this happen. Cause you’re emotionally attached to this person saying yes, rather than being detached, where you say, I know that I have put my order in with the universe.

I have done all the physical work that I can here on this material plane. I have shown up as my best self, as I am able to. And I will either get the result that I want or the lesson that I need. I’m open. And I’m open to how I get the result that I want. I’m open to how the universe delivers to me what I have been asking for.

If I say I’m going to welcome in 8 people, into my program, or I’m going to welcome in 10 people into my program. I don’t get to the last day of open cart and there’s only six and think, Oh my God, how am I going to get these? It’s not happening. It’s not happening.

What if it doesn’t happen? What if I don’t get that number? Then that means that the next launch has to be even bigger. If I’m going to hit my numbers and if I’m going to hit my goals, I actually just say that maybe it’s on a different timeline, those people are coming. I’m in the energy of they’re already here.

But I can only be in the energy of what I want if I’m not white knuckling it, trying to hold on and control the “manifestation.” And I see so many people go into freak out mode, so they have that sales call, that person says that they need time, and then they are trying to, they’re following up like instantly.

Or they’re reaching out to the person, or they are, In fear that they’re gonna say no, they’re thinking about saying no. So now they’re concentrating and energetically connecting to what they don’t want. I’m scared they won’t sign up. Now you’re in the energy of what you don’t want, and that’s what you’re attracting.

You’re sending out funky signal s. So this is what learning the art of Detachment is all about. It’s about being able to be emotionally neutral. So you can stay in, like, I stay in that energy of, I get what I asked for. And if I don’t get what I asked for, I look for the clues that show me what needs to be shifted internally and externally in order for me, and I look at it like I need to clear the path for the universe to give me what I want.

It’s always right there. The universe always says, yes. Something in me or something in my process is blocking that from coming to me. So I look at it and I say without attachment, without thinking that I did something wrong, without frantically feeling like I need to fix myself or something in my life, I just say, what could be standing in the way here?

How do I feel energetically? Did I really show up like that best version of myself? Who’s really connected to the result that I wanted. Did I do that honestly? And not from a place of criticism, but from a place of curiosity. Always curiosity over criticism. And when you can do this, attachment and detachment goes with everything in our lives.

Detachment from grief. We want to feel our feelings. We want to feel what’s really happening in our lives and in the world around us. But we just don’t want to make it mean something about us, our ability to survive, our ability to thrive, anything about who we are and how we get to live.

It’s just circumstances. And I said this in the transit episode with Christina for October, and I’m going to say it again. 

Listen on Episode 310 to learn about the October Transit episode

This is one of my favorite exercises from A Course in Miracles. I do this literally all the time and this really helped me with the art of detachment. It’s looking at different things around you and just saying to yourself, nothing has any meaning except the meaning that I put on it. 

Literally nothing. Your marriage falling apart has no meaning except the meaning that you put on it. Is it the worst day of your life and your life is over or is it the first day of the rest of your life? That is the difference between the way we look at something, having meaning. We get to choose the meaning.

You are not at the mercy of the circumstances in your life. Circumstances are merely clues as to energetically how you’re showing up And then physically how you’re showing up. If I am in the energy of, I make money in my sleep and people are buying things from me all the time, every single day, all day. Well, if I don’t have a way for them to buy anything from me, if I don’t have a funnel. If I don’t have a way of putting people into my funnel, then I need some strategic things to be put in place in order for that to become a reality.

The universe might be saying yes to me right now. Yeah, do it girl. But you got to do something. You’ve got to take aligned action toward that thing. Sometimes it’s an energetic thing that needs to shift. Well, what is it? What am I feeling? What am I really afraid of feeling here? And how do I move that feeling out of the way?

Because that feeling is somehow blocking me from being able to unemotionally attached to what I want. That emotionality that what if it doesn’t happen? Don’t underestimate how detrimental that can be to your results. Now people can power through this, and they do. They absolutely do. They power through, they control, they push, they, take 10x, 100x their effort.

Go, go, go, go, go. That doesn’t lead to sustainable success, and that’s what we talk about here on this show. It’s about sustainable success. It’s about success with fulfillment of your soul’s purpose. It’s about your life feeling good and achieving what you want. And detachment is right at the heart of that.

Because if you’re attached, then your nervous system is probably in a dysregulated mode. You have a dysregulated nervous system that is causing you to be so attached to things. You have work to do, inner work. So I hope that this helped. I hope that you enjoyed this episode where we talked about the art of detachment and you see how this is the cornerstone of the energetic game.

What energy are you bringing to the things that you do? Are you bringing one of attachment and worry and fear? Because that’s what happens when we attach to something we say if it doesn’t happen it means this. If it happens I’m gonna get this or I’m not gonna get this. And there are emotions that are connected to that.

That cause us to have a certain frequency. But yet if we show up and just say whatever will be, will be. I’m going to show up, do the best I can. I’m going to enjoy the journey. I’m going to accept the journey. And trust me, I know it’s not easy. It took me a long time to get to this space and I won’t say that I’m there a hundred percent of the time there are times I start to get worried, but I remind myself of this work.

I remind myself of being detached. I say literally to myself out loud, I will either get the result that I want or the lesson that I need and that has a really strong effect on me. And then not only that, I have tools that I work with to work through. I tap, I do breath work, I work on my nervous system.

So I’m able to show up detached from the outcome and that in itself is work. So I hope that this showed you some examples of how you can approach that work. A way for you to maybe gauge whether you are in a state of detachment or if you’re in a state of attachment, because if you are attached to the outcome and you didn’t get the outcome you wanted, this may be the work that you need to do in order to shift that for the next time that you show up.

Right? And if you’re attached and you’re thinking of not doing that thing again. If you’re not going to launch again, you’re going to take a sledgehammer and rewrite everything, recognize that that’s self sabotage and it’s self sabotage because you attached to an outcome you didn’t get and now you are changing things that do not need to be changed.

This is how the mind works. This is how energy works. So I hope that you’re seeing and you have a way, a mechanism now. If you’re noticing, am I in a state of attachment with these things? And how can I cultivate a state of detachment? What tools can I take on? I gave you some to explore breath work. Tapping is the big one for me, but I do breath work every single morning.

I meditate every single morning, just so I’m cleaning the vessel so I can show up in clean energy to whatever it is that I’m doing that day. So I hope you enjoyed this. Thank you so much for being here with me. I appreciate you.

And remember, in order to have an unshakeable business, you must first become an unshakeable human.So thanks for letting us help you become unshakeable with human design, everybody.

We will see you next time.