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Human Design

The 5 Things Every Parent Should Know about Parenting By Human Design

Episode 207

You’re not just a parent; you’re a guide, a mentor, unfolding your child’s wings in their intrinsically destined flight. In this episode, we will take you on a journey to discover how you can make your parenting not just more effective, but soulfully connected and deeply intuitive.

Dive into an enlightening episode where the nuances of parenting intertwine with the holistic approach of Human Design, offering a fresh perspective to nurture and guide children through their unique life paths. Nicole gives us a mere glimpse into the profound connection between a child’s inherent design and how understanding this can revolutionize your parenting strategies.

Are you familiar with the core aspects of your child’s energy mechanics, and how these can shape their experiences and interactions? Tune in to discover more about your child’s intuitive decision-making and how parental conditioning might be unconsciously shaping their worlds.


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Hey there! Welcome to Unshakeable with Human Design, everyone. I’m your host, Nicole Laino, and today, we’re gonna talk about a topic that we’ve brought up on the show before, but we’ve never actually done a specific episode on it. And I wanted to change that. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time.

I was really waiting for the right time and the right way to frame it. But it’s an important one. And so I want to start by asking you a question. And the question is, have you ever wished that you were raised differently by your parents? I mean most of us love our parents, even if we had a difficult upbringing we still love our parents.

But even if you had a great upbringing, are there things that you would have changed? Are there things that you wished your parents did, or ways that you wished that they would have shown up differently or seen you differently? I was looking up research for this episode, I try to separate myself from what I think, and actually make sure that I am accurately representing the things that I’m saying.

And so I was looking at research studies about what people wished about their upbringing, and I came across a Pew Research study that said that, most people wish that they grew up in an environment where their parents were more emotionally supportive and understanding.

They wished that they had more freedom and autonomy. And generally people feel like their greatest desire in life now is to reach their full potential. Kind of what we’re all here for, right? We’re here to reach our full potential. And I think as parents, we look at our kids, and we know what we dream. We project what we feel like we’re lacking, or what we feel gave us happiness and fulfillment, and we try to give that to our children.

We try to fill the gaps, or we try to be like, I got this, and this really helped me, so I’m going to make sure my kid has this. Or we say, I didn’t have this, so I want to make sure that they get extra with this, and sometimes we can be overly extending in that way. But the greatest desire of people is to reach our potential and that’s really what we want for our children. We want them to reach their full potential.

Now sometimes that can get mixed up with what we think their potential should be. I certainly know people, definitely when I was in the banking world, I dealt with a lot of people who had been to Ivy League schools I was working with, and I was not one of those people, but these were my friends and these were my colleagues, they had gone to the top universities in this country, they had excelled, these were the best of the best. I worked at a very competitive investment bank on Wall Street, and these were really successful, smart people.

And a lot of them did not want the life that they had. I heard that story so many times, that the decisions were made for them, that things moved so fast, that they were just on this conveyor belt toward some future that their parents felt they should be on. What they thought would make them happy.

Now, of course, parents have the best interests of their child at heart. We want the best for you, we want you to be well taken care of, we want you to have a good life, we want you to be successful. And a lot of times we forget to ask the kid if that’s what they want. And the truth is that most kids won’t know, at the time that they’re graduating high school, what they want to do.

Because we are no longer getting married and having kids at 20 years old, or younger, and then dying at 35, or 40. We’re not doing that anymore. We haven’t done that for decades, for a generation. But we still live under that kind of assumption with the way that our life cycle works.

But we’re seeing that stretch out. Most kids now are taking breaks, or needing to breathe, and not moving on the pace that everybody else has set for them. But, as a parent, what we want, ultimately, and if you’re listening to this show, I’m guessing you fall into this category. If you’re into human design, if you’re into what I speak about, then you are the type of parent where you’re like, I want my children to be the best version of themselves that they can be.

And no matter what age your kids are, my son is five. So I have the wonderful opportunity to have found human design by the time I had him, since he was a baby. And so he’s been raised according to his human design. And I’m getting better and better at that every single day. I’m experimenting with it every single day with him.

And I’m doing my best to honor who he is, not who I think he should be. And not how I think he should operate. To really take into consideration his individual nature. And how can I nurture that individual nature, even when it’s inconvenient for me. Even when it doesn’t match mine. We have some similarities, he and I, and then we have big differences.

He has similarities with my husband, and then he has big differences. And this is why kids push our buttons. So, with this episode, I want to show you the five key things that, because I know that this can be really overwhelming, even when we’re learning for ourselves human design, it can be overwhelming because it’s a complex system.

There is a lot of information to be understood, there’s a lot of synthesis within the information to be understood. So where do you start? And that’s really what I want to do with this episode. So I have five things that every parent should know about raising a kid according to their human design.

And I want you to recognize as well, I know some of you are like, my kid’s a teenager, my kids are grown. It is never too late to start respecting who an individual is. Think about you right now. I don’t care how old you are. I am 45 years old and if my mother looked at me and saw me. Or if my father, he’s gone, this is not something that can happen now, but if he ever looked at me and saw me for who I was, and saw me more deeply for who I was. Even just beyond what it is right now, just a little bit closer to getting to the essence of who I really am, respecting that and championing that.

I would never feel like it was too late. I would never be like, where have you been? I’d be like, oh my god, thank you. So it’s never too late. It’s never too late to recognize somebody. Certainly not our kids because they’re waiting for us. If you haven’t been doing it or you’ve been doing a good job and you want to take it to the next level with your children. Because a lot of times kids don’t even see the magic that they are.

And human design can help us, and I’m going to show you the five things that I think every parent should know to get you started with human design and how you can help your child, you can recognize them for who they are, and you can help them recognize themselves, because that’s really the key. That’s what we want to do. We want them to be their own authority in this life.

Okay, so let’s dive in. So the first thing that every parent should know about raising a child according to their human design is energy type. I know this isn’t going to be a big earth shattering thing, right? Oh, you need to know that they’re a manifesting generator or they’re a projector or whatever.

But it’s not just their energy type. You want to know what their energy type is and you want to know what yours is. Are they the same or are they different? If they’re the same, this is where you’re going to have a commonality in the way that you probably communicate. And you’re going to have a commonality in the level of energy that you have.

It’s not going to be exact, but it’s going to be closer. They’re going to operate similarly to you. So you’re going to have this sync there. And is it the same with your partner or with your child’s other parent? Are they the same energy type or are they different? This is going to influence the way that you all operate together.

So an example that I can give is, I’m a manifesting generator, my son’s a projector. Really important for me to know that he is not going to have the level of energy even close to what I have. He will have it for a small period of time, he will sprint, and then he will need to rest.

He will need to chill. He’s going to need a lot more downtime than I am used to. And, I’m not gonna say it’s never frustrating, sometimes I’m like, oh my god, we just got here and you’re tired already. But, it is important for me to know to not condition him to feel like you should just keep going.

Nobody’s happy that way. I’m not honoring who he is then. And it would be the same thing in the opposite way. If you’re a projector parent and your kid is a generator, you’re really going to have to be looking at, are you finding ways for them to match the energy that they are, rather than you hanging out, maybe not being as outgoing, maybe not being as active.

And really looking at your kids and being like, are they getting the exercise they need, are they getting the stimulation that they need, so they’re getting the right things to respond to. Okay, so, that’s one.

And then you want to be communicating with them through their strategy. You want to get them paying attention.

Projectors, it’s a delicate dance of how we do this. How do you get a projector kid to recognize that they should be recognized and be invited to things, and not feel like they should be pushing into every friend group? How do you get them to hang back?

And how do you teach a five year old to do that without making them feel like they can’t go and initiate anything, right? And it’s really about them getting very comfortable in themselves and training them. If you have a teenager, you can start explaining these concepts to them.

You know what, you will do so much better if you are hanging back, enjoying yourself. Recognizing yourself. Be into what you’re into. Get super obsessed with the things that you are obsessed about, and the right people will start coming to you and inviting you to things. And just trust that. And explain to them how their energy works.

And get them playing and experimenting with how it works. If you have a Manifestor child, it’s really important for you to know what that means and how you can nurture that child and get them to use their strategy. And for you to not quash their will that is going to be so important to them later on in life.

We want strong Manifestors in the world. We want strong, bold, confident manifestors that don’t feel like they’re being pushed to anger all the time. We want them to be in peace. So how do you do that? Starts at childhood. Starts as early as you possibly can. And it’s never too late, like I said, to recognize a manifester. And to allow them and give them the freedom to do the things that they need to do. To be creative.

The second thing that every parent should know about raising a kid by Human Design, is to teach them to use their authority. So whatever their authority is, if they’re emotional, you’re teaching them to wait.

You’re really teaching them the art of waiting. Of not making emotional decisions. Of really sitting and getting comfortable with time. And getting them comfortable with whatever their wave feels like, whatever their wave moves like and not get them feeling this despair when they go to a low point and teaching them how to work with it.

If they’re splenic, you’re getting them to pay attention to their spontaneous wisdom and what that feels like and what it sounds like to them. If they’re sacral, you want them to be responding to things. There’s all these different ways, but what you’re doing is you’re teaching your child how to tune into their own unique intuition.

And nothing will be more powerful than this throughout their entire lives. If you have teenagers, I would definitely get them a book, go through some things with them, run through their chart, get them a reading if they’re very interested. Start telling them about it. I have teenage nieces who are like, I want to know about this, this is really cool, this is really interesting.

They want to know about themselves, because you know what you can tell them? You can tell them what their gifts are. Because they probably know on some level and they’re waiting for some form of confirmation of it. And I did a reading with someone yesterday, and I hear this a lot, but I heard it yesterday so I’ll use this one as an example.

She was like, I feel so seen. I feel so validated in the fact that the things that I thought were my gifts really are. Because most of the time I’m not telling anybody anything that they don’t know. I’m telling them the things they know on a deep soul level and maybe haven’t fully taken ownership of.

So what greater gift can you give a teenager than telling them, this is what you are. Here’s why some of these things might not be singing for you in your life, in your friend group, in your school. Because maybe you’re built a little bit differently. There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s just not your place and you’re trying to force yourself into a way that you think you should be and it’s not really how you should be.

How can you sink more comfortably into who you actually are rather than trying to be like everybody else? And how can you get really comfortable in that? And when you do, a lot of those problems will go away for you. What a gift.

The third thing that every parent should know about raising a child according to their human design, is know how you condition them.

We talked about the energy types, right? So, as a manifesting generator, when I’m around my son, who’s a projector, he’s gonna magnify my sacral energy. That can really crank him up, and it’s important for me to know that.

But it’s also important for me to know that, he conditions me with his mind. He has a defined head and a defined Ajna. He’s a very strong willed, strong headed kid. Can be a little stubborn when it comes to the way he thinks. And so I have to recognize that comes the other way. But if you have a defined identity center and your child has an undefined identity center, then you have to be very careful not to project your idea of where they should be going onto them.

Parents try to do that all the time. If you have a kid who has a defined G Center, they might have such a deep connection to their own path that they’re like, whatever, mom. But if they have an open G Center, they might be like, that sounds like a good idea.

Maybe I should do that. I don’t know. Will that mean you’ll love me more? Is that a good place for me? Because I’m dying to know. Because it doesn’t feel so laid out for me. It doesn’t feel so fixed. I’m dying to know where I’m going. And we don’t want to do that to our kids.

There’s a way that you can help them arrive at it and you want to be guiding them according to their design so that it’s their path that they’re on and not yours. So, I have two bonus ones for you. So I have five things. Two of these are bonuses. The first three that I just gave you, those are the core.

If you stopped there, you would be way beyond most parents and your kids will be thanking you for years to come. I have two bonus ones for you because these are for the overachievers that want to go deeper.

So the fourth thing that every parent should know when raising a child according to their human design is know the shadows of their designs.

So, their profile lines, each of them has a shadow or a low frequency. Knowing what their not self theme is. Knowing that your projector child is going to have bitterness as their not self theme. That’s how you can recognize when they’re just out of alignment rather than you thinking that they’re being bratty or difficult.

It’s recognizing that there’s a problem and asking them what it is and helping them discover what the solution might be through their own authority. Knowing that your manifestor child is going to be quick to anger if it’s not getting its way, and how to work with that. But also knowing things like, if you have a fourth line child, any age, fourth line adult will have this as well.

There might be a fear of abandonment. Their gift is social interaction, and their gift and one of the paths that’s going to be the strongest for them and take them where they want to go and where they’re meant to go, is going to be about connecting with people and having a social circle and using that social circle to guide them in life.

Well, the flip side of that is that they can also be very afraid of abandonment. They can be afraid that those people will not be there for them forever. And they can hold back from even going in there. So it’s recognizing that it’s not telling them you should have more friends. It’s just helping them get over the low expression of their gift.

Remember, everything in the chart is potential. Potential for good or potential for low frequency. And we want to keep them out of the low frequency as much as possible, help them recognize it, and help them shift into their gifts, recognizing what those are. You don’t need to be a human design expert, but you can become an expert in who you are and who your child is, or your children.

Okay, the last one, the fifth and final. Although there’s more. There’s always more, but these are five core things. If you’re doing these, oh my goodness, will you be on your way to parent of the year.

The fifth thing that every parent should know when parenting their kids according to human design is know their prime gifts.

Nurture their prime gifts. Now this does not mean getting an idea of who your kid is going to be and forcing them down that path. Oh, it says that they’re going to be great at initiating people and shocking people. We’re going to get them into this. Or my son, he has the channel of logic.

He is an excellent puzzle solver. He’s always looking for answers and he’s always looking for the pattern. So how can I nurture that? I’ll give you an example. I wanted him to take chess. He’s five, but they had chess club at school, was one of the after school activities.

Now, as a projector, I can’t force him to do anything. That’s not going to work. That’s not going to serve either one of us because he will be miserable. So, I can give him suggestions and I can ask him. And I asked him which ones he wanted, and he did not pick chess. But one of his friends ended up joining chess, and he loves this kid, and he was like, I want to do chess, Jared’s doing chess.

And he started playing chess with my husband, and he loves it. And I knew that it’s something that I think he would excel at, and would exercise that specialty that he has through that channel, but I can’t force it on him. All I can do is look at his gifts and I can say, what are some things that I could put in front of him, expose him to, give him the choice, and allow him to exercise that gift through these options, through these opportunities.

So putting the right things in front, rather than being like, you should be in soccer and you should be in this and you should be in that. No, that’s probably not going to work either. And that’s where you end up where the kid does something for one year over and over and over again.

And they never really catch with anything. They don’t stick with anything. So, he’s now getting involved in chess. He loves chess, checkers, all of those things. The strategy behind how can I tell the next move that’s coming. This is a gift he has. So, I’m lovingly directing him to it without forcing it on him, and allowing him to find it and him to choose it.

So how can you look at their prime gifts? Things like you can look at their conscious sun, you can look at their conscious earth. You can look at their overall incarnation cross. I definitely look at channels.

There’s certain energies that are going to be present in your kids. You’re going to see it. I didn’t just see the channel and say he’s going to be great at puzzles. He loves puzzles. I put puzzles in front of him and he could do them so quickly it was ridiculous. His favorite thing in the world are Transformers because they’re toys and puzzles together.

So he’s just always transforming something. So I’m constantly looking for ways that we can strengthen that gift and allow him to just see where that takes him.

So these are five of the powerful ways that you can really dig in with your kids and help them discover their unique potential in this life. I hope you found this helpful. I hope that you see how you can help your kids by helping them use their energy wisely, helping them preserve their energy. Because not all of them have sustainable energy, like maybe you do if you’re a generator. How you can help them tune into their intuition, which is their authority.

How you can know how you are conditioning them, and what your energetic relationship is with them. Knowing their shadows so they can stay out of them if you want extra credit and you want to start digging into the low frequencies of some of their designs so you can recognize it when it comes up and help them without even letting them know it’s happening.

Sometimes you can do this, just easing them back into their gift. And then knowing their prime gifts, so that you can help put the right things in front of them that are going to nurture those innate gifts. How you can see the child for who they are, and say, you know what would really help this? And put those options in front of them, and let them choose.

Let them respond. Let them use their authority to decide whether that thing is correct for them or not. Okay?

I hope you found this helpful. I hope this inspires you to go and run your children’s charts. If you would like to do that, please go to nicolelaino.com/chart and you can run a free chart there.

You can run as many as you want. We give you advanced charts so you’ll learn all sorts of stuff about them. Things that other sites make you pay for, we give to you for free. So again, go to nicolelaino.com/chart. Run all your kids charts and then let me know what you think about it on Instagram.

Send me a DM. All right, everyone. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for listening to this show. Thank you for supporting it. And remember, if you want to have an unshakeable business, you must first become an unshakeable human. So thank you for letting us help you on your journey of becoming Unshakeable with Human Design.

We’ll see you next time.

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