Epsiode 327

Hello and welcome to Unshakeable with Human Design, everybody. I’m your host, Nicole Laino, and it’s just you and I today on a holiday week. So here in America, we are about to celebrate Thanksgiving. That will be tomorrow, if you’re listening to this on the day that this episode was released. Thanksgiving is the next day.

And this is the start of the holiday season. So whether you’re American or not, we’re rolling into the holidays. I think there’s like 14 different holidays throughout this season. So whatever it is that you celebrate, usually what the holidays mean is coming together, being with friends, being with family, mostly, is usually what it is, but everybody’s life is different.

And I wanted to do an episode on this show, my goal is always to, obviously we cater to the entrepreneurial crowd. We cater to the high achiever crowd because that’s just who I naturally speak to. But my goal is always with this show is to show you how human design is present in your everyday life and how it can help you navigate the practical relationships and situations that we’re all facing every single day.

So yes, that can be in your business because as we’re trying to achieve, as we’re trying to grow, as we want to reach new heights in our life, use our gifts differently, let our light shine, all of that stuff. Yes, human design is an indispensable tool in helping you. Honestly, it helps you most to be able to do that without burning yourself out and being so fixated on the achievement that you forget everything else.

And it shows you what your way is and it can show you where maybe you’ve thrown up resistance in your life because you’re trying to do something somebody else’s way. And that’s the business side of it. There’s also the very super practical, moment to moment, daily life practices of this and applications of this in our relationships.

So I always think about human design whenever I’m going to be with my family in particular, because I don’t know if anyone triggers us more than our family. Our relationships are very different. So I wanted to highlight some concepts and some ways that we can use human design to maybe not get caught up in the emotionality or in the negative energetic relationships that we have going on over the holidays.

How can we have a more harmonious or productive, at least, Interaction over the holidays. And what I mean by productive is if you listen to this show for a while, you know that I always say triggers are gifts. Triggers are gifts. if you can notice and identify your triggers, then you will most likely be able to find the areas of yourself that needs healing.

So if you are triggered by certain things being said, if you’re triggered by someone talking about weight or body image or things like that, then you know that that’s an area where you have wounding and you need healing around. So it can show you where you have your work to do. So it can be productive in that respect.

You can use family as a beautiful way of triggering you into your own healing. But really what I want to focus on is just understanding what these energetic relationships are. Conversations, energetic conversations that are always happening underneath the actual conscious vocal conversations that we’re having, right?

We see this with animals. We’re interacting with animals energetically all the time. But people are doing it too. But because we’re so focused on the words that we’re saying, I didn’t say anything, I didn’t do anything, that we’re not taking into account just this energetic relationship that’s going on.

It’s going on in every relationship that we have. There’s different types of relationships. There are the one to one interpersonal relationships, and then there are group dynamics. I’m going to get into group dynamics and what that really means. These are fascinating concepts that are honestly a huge fascination point for me.

I’ve done a lot of work on this recently and a lot of studying around it and I’m completely taken by it and I think that it’s so valuable for us to know, especially if we’re looking to live as individuals. But my goal today is to really focus on what is it when we walk into a room, what’s happening there, and how can we better navigate that interaction without our words.

How can we be in control of our energy? So, one, I had a client ask me recently, Is there a way that we can protect our energy? Are there ways that we can protect our energy when we go into rooms? And, of course, there are. But honestly, protecting your energy really comes from being in charge of your own energy.

From knowing what’s yours and what’s not, from being able to clear out what you’re carrying that doesn’t belong to you. And that’s what human design is, is uniquely positioned for and really effective at. So let’s talk about what happens when we walk in a room? What is that energetic conversation that’s happening?

And why is it so heated when we walk in and we’re talking with family? Especially like we haven’t seen family in a long time so we think, Oh, it’ll be fine, we haven’t seen each other in a long time. That energetic stuff is always there. And then you have all of the actual circumstantial history on top of it.

But let’s talk just from the energetic standpoint. Now, if you haven’t downloaded our deconditioning guide yet, please do. This will be a really helpful tool for you in understanding just where you’re sensitive. Because that’s where we’re going to start. We’re just going to start with our sensitivities.

Where are we receiving information? Where are we receiving other people’s stuff? That’s anywhere that is white on your chart. So if you have an open head center, then you’re receiving all of the pressure from the other people in that experience with you. So if someone has a defined head center, they’re going to be trying to, or it’ll feel like they’re maybe pushing their thoughts onto you.

And maybe you’re very receptive to it and maybe you really take it in and maybe you’re having a good time with it. And that’s wonderful. As long as you are very well aware that those are not your thoughts, that they are not necessarily for you, and to be consciously evaluating whether you want to take them on as your own.

But this is what conditioning is. Some people will have dominant energy over you naturally. And sometimes that will feel really healthy, like a healthy exchange. Like almost you’re borrowing that person’s bigness in that way. And you get to have it for a little while, and it feels good, and that’s usually when that person that is sending you that, when they have that definition, they are giving you healthy stuff.

They’re at a good place with that definition in their chart, they are in alignment there, so you’re receiving that alignment. So anywhere, if you look at your chart, if you pull out your chart right now, and you look at any of the centers that are white, those are the energies you are going to receive from other people. Those are the energies you are going to receive from other people. Now, if you happen to know the charts of the other people who will be there, you can actually see which ones do they have and which ones do I not have.

So what do they have defined? What’s colored in on their chart that is not colored in on yours? All of that is going to be what you receive and then vice versa. What do you have colored in on your chart? That they have white on their chart. You are going to be the transmitter of that energy, and they are going to receive that.

So it’s going to be your job. So I have a defined emotional center, and this is another reason. So a lot of times when we come together for the holidays, 50 percent of the world is emotional, and 50 percent of the world is not, just statistically speaking. So if you have a defined emotional center, you are going to bring the emotional energy to that party.

You are going to be the transmitter of that. So what’s important for you to do is to be in a good place with your emotional energy. Process your emotions. Before you go to your family gathering, make sure you’re doing exercises like breathwork, tapping. Are you processing the emotions that you’re feeling?

The circumstantial emotions that you’re feeling? And also, just getting into a place where you understand your emotional wave. Where you aren’t throwing your emotions on people. Are you understanding that if you are at a tension point in your emotional wave. if you’re at a low point in your emotional wave and you go to that party, maybe it’s best for you to do less talking at that party.

Maybe it is a holiday where you very consciously maybe take a step back from interacting with people, not in a grumpy way, but you’re being conscious. And you are being a good citizen by understanding that I’m in a funky, emotional place with my emotional wave and I might be easily triggered in this state.

Or I might be unintentionally emotional in my responses to the things that people are saying. So you might take five. You might go for a walk in the middle of the day. Or if you’re staying for the weekend with people, make sure you are meditating, you are tapping, you are doing whatever tools that you have in your tool belt for nervous system regulation and for processing your emotions.

You should be doubling down on them during the holidays because this is going to be a heightened emotional experience for everybody. Because what happens is if you’re emotionally defined, so I’m emotionally defined. When I go to a holiday party, when I go to anything, I know I bring the emotions.

I’m at least part of that frequency. So it’s my responsibility to not bring funky emotional energy into that interaction. Or what’s going to happen is the people who have it undefined, who have an undefined solar plexus are going to receive my funky energy and they are going to amplify it. Unless they are highly self aware, energetic, spiritual people who do a lot of this work, who can understand that my emotions don’t belong to them, and know what it is, and not be swept into my wave.

Unless they are like that, which, I don’t know about you, but my family is not. They don’t do any of this work. We have to be conscious of the fact of what we bring in. And then if you are undefined emotionally, you have to be what we call, in the biz, we call, be a screen, not a sponge. Can you allow yourself, so this is where that deconditioning guide, if you want to download it, all you have to do is DM me decondition on Instagram, I’m @NicoleLainoOfficial, we’ll send you the guide there, or go to nicolelaino.com/deconditioning. 

Download the free Human Design Deconditioning guide to learn more about how you can work with your defined and undefined centers at nicolelaino.com/decondition

DM me either of those words or DM me that word or go to that link and you can download it right there. We’ll also link it up in the show notes for you. But this guide gives you a little map so you can look at it and you can see what the not self is. And that guide will tell you if anything that’s white on your chart, you have to recognize that anything that’s white, you’re going to receive from somebody else.

So if you start to pick up on any of these themes and they start to feel like they overwhelm you, or things start to feel uncomfortable. The question you want to ask yourself as it’s happening is, Is this mine, or does this belong to somebody else? Because that’s what we do in our white space. We pick up, this is what conditioning is.

This is how conditioning works. Holidays are a crash course in what conditioning feels like and what it is. If you are curious about this topic, this is a wonderful experiment like a lab with food for you to get down in for a couple of days over the Thanksgiving and Christmas and all of the end of year holidays that are coming up.

But the conditioning that’s happening, you have to understand that you’re being conditioned. That is the first step, is knowing this is not my energy, this is not mine. So I’m not going to take it on. I’m going to observe it. This is advanced stuff. It is the start and the core of everything. But the core of everything is we start with deconditioning, with just recognizing what’s not ours and starting to clean out all of the old stuff that we’ve hung onto.

So if you have an open solar plexus, we’ll go with the solar plexus example a little bit longer. If you have an open solar plexus and you haven’t processed the emotions that you feel, or the ones that you’ve picked up from other people, if you haven’t processed those, then you’re walking in with other people’s emotions in you already.

A lifetime of emotions that you have not dealt with. That’s what you bring to the party. So now you come with a cup that’s already possibly full with old stuff. Right? And then someone like me comes in and my emotional wave might be at a really deep, big position at that moment. It might be in an uncomfortable place.

So I come in and I just stand next to you and you start to feel kicked up. You start to feel like there’s this emotion churning in you and then someone else comes along or maybe I say it and I say something that irritates you. Now your cup runneth over and it isn’t even yours. You don’t even know why.

It’s not even that big of a deal. But it’s got you so worked up, the energetic side of things, that you emotionally react in the moment. Not because of what actually happened, but because you were conditioned by my emotions. I was not responsible for the way that I handled them. I was not in a good place.

I didn’t do my work maybe before coming into this party, into this experience. And you picked up on it, you’re full of old stuff, old conditioning, or old circumstances that you haven’t dealt with. So you amplify my emotions by like, you 10x them and then they explode all over the place. Even if you don’t explode, that becomes the energy in the room and it becomes tense and it becomes uncomfortable and then everybody just feels like, I got to get out of there.

This is why this happens. So this is why getting air is not rude. Taking a walk is not you being standoffish or antisocial. Recognize that everybody is built differently and we all need different things. But if it starts to feel like too much for you, if you have an open ego, that ego energy might be a lot for you to handle when you’re in a group. 

If you’re open emotionally and open in the ego will center, you might go into a party and be surrounded by people who have both of those centers defined. And that might feel like a lot. Can you ask yourself, is this my energy that I’m feeling or is this something that I’m feeling from other people?

Not to blame them, by the way. It is not to blame them. It’s never anybody’s fault what we energetically bring in the room. Of course we have a responsibility to be in a healthy place with all of our stuff. However, nobody’s trying to push it on you necessarily. I mean, some people are. But let’s give everybody the benefit of the doubt that they’re not intentionally trying to do it.

So can you walk in the room with that feeling, that there’s going to be energy exchanged in this room that nobody knows about? And I’m going to be someone who observes this, and who observes myself in this environment, and who allows those energies, those themes, those feelings, and all the things that I feel in here to pass through me.

I evaluate them, I see the quality of what I am feeling from these people, and then I take time if I need to, I respond if I need to, but I do it from a clear place. I don’t do it from a reaction to the conditioning, which is what creates problems, which is what creates just purely emotional, combustible situations.

So just recognizing where is it that you maybe have the ability to be more sensitive? So that’s going to be the white stuff on your chart. Particularly the centers, that’s sort of just the easiest place to do this work, is to start at the centers. What centers do you have undefined, and what centers do the people that you know have defined?

You’re going to see which ones maybe you have the ability to be overtaken, or maybe it can feel a little overwhelming in those. And even if you don’t know the charts of the other people who are going to be in the room. You can certainly do this work. I know that my head center is open, my ajna center is open, and my root center is open.

So I can tend to really get uncomfortable around the holidays around pressure. The head and the root center are pressure centers, particularly the root. The root wants to move. So I get this when people are asking me to make plans and they’re pushing me like right now give me this information. When are you coming?

What time will you be here? When I can get really worked up and I can get really pissed off at the people who do that to me. Because they’re cranking up my undefined root. And they are people, coincidentally, who have defined roots because that’s what they do. They apply the pressure. Me, I receive the pressure and I do not like it and I can get very, very defensive when people put pressure on me to deliver on their timeline.

So what do I do? I actually politely respond that I will get back to you when I can and then I don’t think about it until I’m ready. I don’t avoid it because that can also be a conditioned response to completely detach from it and not deliver, which doesn’t create a good balance in our energies. But I deliver on my timeline and I don’t feel bad about it and I don’t apologize for it. 

And when we are in a situation where I’m in person with those people and they’re putting that pressure on me. I do politely exit and I do remove myself energetically from the situation and I go outside and I touch a tree or I go for a little walk. I walk a dog or something where I get air and space from that energy so that I can come back and cleanly respond with what feels right.

And that’s the art of learning to work with this. I don’t take offense and don’t blame the people who do it. I don’t do that anymore. I won’t say that I never do it, but I’m much better at not doing it all the time. Obviously there are people who are in a negative or, not so comfortable state with their energies and we can not be pleased with people who don’t take responsibility for who they are.

But in general, I don’t take offense at the way that people make me feel when I really look at what they said or what they’re doing and I’m like, this is just their energy talking. And I don’t need to respond and be overtaken by their energy just because I’m sensitive there. I am sensitive there. So what am I going to do?

I’m going to nurture myself and take care of myself before I take care of them. Before I go and deliver whatever it is that they made me feel like I had to do because it was their big energy trying to move me. This is how we can start to understand how we are affected by this stuff. So this can be a fabulous time for you to understand, what does it feel like when my undefined root is put under pressure?

You can feel that. What does it feel like when my undefined ego is put under pressure, is pushed maybe to prove itself? Maybe I don’t feel good enough around all of these people and I feel that really, really big when I walk into that room of defined egos. You can really start to understand what is the energetic thing that’s happening because it’s got nothing to do with what you’re doing most of the time in these rooms.

It’s purely based on just the energy in the room. Lots of people and this sense of being stirred up right from the moment you walk in. It’s the energy in the room. Okay. I hope that you guys found this helpful. I hope that you have a wonderful holiday season with this. I hope that, we’re gonna talk a little bit more about group dynamics and things like that on the show here in the coming weeks.

So please tune in for those. But in the meantime, I hope that you have a lovely holiday weekend. For those of you who are celebrating here in the US, Happy Thanksgiving. Thank you all for being here. Please download the deconditioning guide if you want to know how to decondition before the holidays and how you can kind of use this as a little map for yourself.

Go to Nicolelaino.com/decondition. You can grab it there or DM me the word deconditioning on Instagram. I’m @NicoleLainoOfficial and we’ll send it to you there in the dms, okay. 

Download the free Human Design Deconditioning guide to learn more about how you can work with your defined and undefined centers at nicolelaino.com/decondition

Thank you guys so much. Have a wonderful day. Have a wonderful holiday. And remember, in order to have an unshakeable business, you must first be, become an unshakeable human. So thanks for letting us help you become unshakeable with human design, everyone. 

We’ll see you next time.