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Episode #142 – The Law of Attraction Has it Wrong

Today, Nicole is sharing a controversial opinion about a widely taught principle on how to get what you want – the Law of Attraction. She share what it is and why she believes it’s not working for you.

She’ll debunk the myth that “good thoughts = good things” and “bad thoughts = bad things” and how this over simplistic approach fails us.

Instead, she’ll share how focusing on the core feelings and beliefs is where we need to focus. Acknowledging the real, raw, honest feelings you have about a circumstance is the secret and she shares the myriad of tools, including Human Design to help her clients overcome the shadow self and truly embody a new identity that aligns with what they want.


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We’d love to have you join the new Facebook Group, Human Design for Entrepreneurs so be sure to visit nicolelaino.com/podcastlinks to sign up and grab the free productivity and deconditioning guide while you are there.  

Don’t forget to enter our monthly contest where you can win your own mini reading/coaching session on the show! Leave a review for the show, take a screenshot of the review, share it on Instagram and tag @nicolelainoofficial and you’re in the drawing. 

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Hello and welcome to the Limitless Entrepreneur Podcast everyone. I’m your host, Nicole Laino, and we are here with a fun episode today. This is something that, this is a concept that kind of irks me and I wanna set it straight. We’re gonna be talking about a really well known Law. We’re gonna be talking about a really well known and highly taught, widely taught theory and system for getting what you want in life.

We’re gonna talk about the law of attraction, and I have a controversial opinion about the law of attraction. It’s wrong. Maybe not wrong. It’s overly simplified and people get it wrong, and that has a detrimental effect on your life, your business, and all the things. Okay, so we’re gonna be talking a little bit about how you can use the law of attraction actually in a way that works for you.

How to, if you haven’t had it work for you in the past and you’ve done the work and you’ve been affirming and you’ve been thinking about thoughts, you know that you’ve been thinking about these wonderful thoughts and you’ve been visualizing and you’ve been doing all of these things and it hasn’t worked.

I’m gonna show you why and I’m gonna show you how you can turn that around. So that’s what we’re gonna be talking about in this episode. We’re gonna be kind of debunking some of the law of attraction stuff that’s out there, and we’re gonna be digging into things like what’s the truth and how you can actually start to change your life and start to live where you’re attracting the right things to you.

Okay. Before I get started, I do want to call out just a couple of things that we have going on. Of course, we have our contest that is going on. We did have a winner. For our latest contest, the winner of the HD reading coaching session is actually Daisy Mack. She is Spiritual Mixtape on Instagram, so please go look her up.

She’s a wonderful breath work coach and she submitted a review for the show. And then posted it in her Instagram stories tagged me, and then we selected the winner at random and she was our winner. So I’m excited to bring you her episode, we’re scheduling that now. We’ll be delivering that probably next month.

But if you would like to enter to win a spot on the show, to be interviewed on the show and to have a human design reading or coaching session, your choice, here on the show with me. Then all you have to do is do what Daisy did: you submit a review on iTunes, take a screenshot of that review, paste that review in your stories on Instagram and tag me.

I’m at Nicole Laino official, and that’s it. You’re done. If you’ve already entered and you’ve submitted a review, all you have to do is take a screenshot of your favorite episode, any episode, and tag me, put it in your Instagram. Tag me and say why you love the episode so much and why you love the show and just say some good things about it, and that will be your entry.

So, either one of those will work, but please leave the review first. That’s how you get entered first. But if you’ve already entered and we have a list of everybody, then you can submit just a little screenshot of the episode that you love of the show, so super simple, really, really easy, and you could win a really valuable prize, which is coming on the show.

Getting to promote yourself, getting to talk about your business, and getting the advice that you need about how you can apply human design to your business and your life to live happier, wealthier, and all the fun things. We also have a free masterclass coming up. I’m really excited about this one.

This is actually gonna be about how plateaued entrepreneurs can up to 2X their revenue while working less. We’re gonna show you how to get into flow and how I’ve had clients up to 2X their revenue. Some have actually gone even more than that while working less, while reducing their hours, while reducing their workload.

So, this is how to work less, make more. That’s essentially what this is gonna be about. I’m gonna give you my framework for that and show you how you can use human design and some of the other tools that I use and what those, those key factors are in shifting things for you to getting you creating more money in your life, in your business, while reducing the amount of work and stress in your life.

Okay? So if you want in on that, all you have to do is go to nicolelaino.me/masterclass and you can join us there. You can register there for free. This is a totally free one. I don’t do a lot of free masterclasses anymore, but this is a free one, so get in on it while you can, people. It’s gonna be awesome.

That is gonna be on March 8th. So just so you know, and there will be replays available, so please sign up because you’ll be able to get access to the replay. So even if you can’t make it with us live, although that’s best, please sign up so that you can join us, in the replay section and you can join us for Q&A’s and all that fun stuff.

All right, let’s dive into this episode, shall we? So the law of attraction, how it has it wrong. So traditionally, if you don’t know what the law of attraction is, which if you’re listening to this show, I’m thinking that you do, let’s just refresh exactly what the Law of Attraction states. The law of attraction says that we attract or we create with our thoughts.

Bad thoughts equal bad things, good thoughts equal good things. If you’re thinking about good things, good things will come into your life. If you’re thinking about bad things, bad things will come into your life. Now, this is how it has been widely taught. Think good thoughts and good things will come to you.

Now, while that can be true, it’s an overly simplistic approach. It can be true of course, that we, you know, thinking better thoughts, leads to being happier and living a better life. Sure. Having a different perspective. This is where reframing comes from, right? We reframe our thoughts and this has been a focus for people.

Now, if you’ve been following this, and if you have been going down the route of affirming your thoughts, affirming what you want. So you’re saying affirmations like, I am a millionaire. I am successful, I am an unstoppable force. I, you know, whatever your affirmations are, if you’ve been doing that and you haven’t seen results, I get it.

I understand because I was there too. And it’s what we’ve been taught, especially when you have books out there, you know, like Think and Grow Rich and Change Your Thoughts. Change Your Life by Wayne Dyer is one of my favorite books. I love, love both of those books, however, there’s an overly simplistic approach when we say thoughts.

Thoughts is the operative word here that we are going to be diving into and kind of turning around because this is ultimately not true, and it can be detrimental to your results. Actually, if you’re thinking that a bad thought equals bad things will happen to you, you’re actually, because the stress of thinking a bad thought.

So say you get a bill in the mail and you’ve been thinking like, I am rich, I am wealthy, I’m a wealthy woman. And, and then you get a [00:06:40] bill. Now you start thinking it’s not working. Now you start thinking everything that you’re doing is not working or you’re trying to stop the bad thought. Because your initial honest reaction is, oh my God, I don’t have the money.

Oh my God. I’m like, sadness. Maybe you’re angry. Maybe you’re pissed off that the things that you’re doing have not been working. Maybe you’re really frustrated and that’s the truth. That’s the truth, and that’s really what I wanna get to here. Now you can try thinking, it’s all good, everything is going to work out.

You’re thinking those positive thoughts. But if underneath that thought is the feeling of, oh my God, I am in so much trouble. I am so afraid of what this could mean for me and my family, if that’s the truth. That’s ultimately what you are attracting with. That is ultimately what you are pulling in from because that’s your energy.

Okay? So we don’t attract with our thoughts. If we did, if we did attract with our thoughts, then everybody who affirmed, everybody who was affirming. I am a millionaire. I am a millionaire. I am a millionaire. Would be rich right now. But that’s not the case. Lots of people are doing mindset work. In fact, you may have done tons of mindset work.

You might even teach mindset. You might even be somebody who’s like, I coach, I’m a mindset coach. And yet you are still struggling with some of these issues where with all of the reframing you’ve done, you maybe haven’t been able to get it to work in your business. You feel better, you feel great.

Your life is getting better. You have a different perspective on life. So you’re feeling that expansion that way. But you’re not feeling it in your pocketbook, you’re not feeling it in your business. You’re not able to apply it in the same way. Okay? So that might be the truth for you. And the reason for that is I want you to think about thoughts and rewiring thoughts.

There’s lots of programs on rewiring thoughts. I rewire thoughts, I teach reframing, but that’s not all I teach because it’s not deep enough. We don’t go deep enough when we’re just dealing with the thought. The thought is great in the moment. But it is not the long term solution because that thought will come back even when you quote unquote rewire it.

It’s not a permanent fix. And now this is an analogy that I give for this, which is a little crude, but so what you’ll remember it , it’s like if you had really bad b.o. Okay. You’re super stinky. You’re smelly and you’re going around, you’re sweaty and you’re like, oh my God, I smell really bad. People are walking by.

They smell you too. You know that you have this b.o., so what do you do? Do you take a bottle of cologne or perfume and just spray it all over yourself? That may work for like a couple of hours or maybe a day. But as the days go on, depending on how stinky you are, of course, but as the days go on, that is not going to work anymore.

The stink is gonna overpower it because that’s the truth. You’re dirty. You are not clean . That’s the truth. That’s the reality. No matter how much perfume or good smelly stuff you put on yourself, you are still a dirty person. You still need to wash yourself, right? The only cure for this is a shower. The only cure for this is being able to wash your body parts with some water and some soap to get rid of the smell, wash your clothes, change your clothes.

Because they’re probably smelly too, right? So when we’re dealing just with the thought, we’re spraying perfume over the b.o. And when we’re dealing with the deeper stuff, when we go deeper, then we’re actually taking the shower. So that’s really what I want you to think about is the thought is connected to something deeper, which is the emotion.

The emotion, the feeling, the truth. That’s your energy. The truth is your energy. That deep down feeling, that feeling of oh my God, what am I gonna do? That’s the truth. And you can’t deal with that just by rewiring the thought that you’re thinking. You have to deal with it by dealing with the feeling that you have and getting to the root of where that feeling comes from.

And that’s the deeper work. And that’s why if you’ve done years of mindset work and spent thousands of dollars on mindset work, why it’s probably not working. Why you haven’t had lasting effects for all the work you’ve done and how diligent you’ve been. I know I’ve been there. It wasn’t until I started to go deeper and I went into the actual feeling and I got to the energy.

Because what we’re talking about is embodiment. This is embodiment. You embody, “I’ve got this” or you embody, “oh shit”. Right? You embody I’m clear or you embody the anger, the resentment, the fear, the sadness, whatever the emotion is underneath. Underneath, whatever is happening in the circumstance. And that can take time depending on the person, how much work they’re doing, how diligent they are, what history they have. But that’s the work.

The work is to get to that deeper level. The work is to get to the energetic level of the fear of the thought. You know, another analogy that you could take is like cutting the weeds off at the top, like running a lawnmower over them, but they grow right back. Usually in a couple of days. You’re like, oh, there they are again.

You have to kill them. You have to rip them out by the root, and that’s what you do when you get to the emotion. When we get to the feeling, because our thoughts lie. Our words lie, but our energy never does. The truth is, you’ve, you’ve told lies, right? You’ve told your partner a lie or you’ve told somebody a lie.

Maybe you’ve said like, you’re fine and you’re really not, and they can feel that. That’s the energy. That’s the energy. When you say, I’m a millionaire and you’re not. There’s the, the truth is you know that there is a way to get past it, but first you have to do some deeper work. What do we do there?

What do we do to get to that deeper work? So, part of it is, part of the way that I go through this with my people is, and what I’ve done for myself is we map out the pattern. I use human design to map out what I call a primary and secondary shadow pattern. I map out what your shadow patterns are likely to be and then we also are tracking the behavior that you’re having and what you’re experiencing. 

This is what we do in our container. So we’re paying attention to the way you feel throughout the day, what you’re experiencing in your circumstances. Then looking at your human design chart we can tell where you’re probably going to have the most, the strongest and the most consistent shadow patterns. Where are you going to experience these feelings the most? 

And we kind of know where to dig and I take you through a process of clearing out all of that old stuff, all of those old emotions that are causing experiences now that you don’t want to have, that are causing struggle in your life right. And then what I use here, the tool that I use to actually, we we’re going to, now that we know where they are and we’re starting to notice the things that are coming up and we’re going into those deep dark places, we’re gonna clear it out. And we clear out the emotions.

I use EFT to clear out the emotions, and tapping is the most, EFT is tapping for those of you who don’t know, it’s called emotional freedom technique, where you actually get emotional freedom. You get freedom from those emotions. You actually get to clear them and move them out of your system, out of your energy, and that’s what can get you to embodying the next level you before embodying the next level you much, much more quickly and in a true way, rather than you just thinking about who you wanna be, that you’re actually embodying that next level you right now, because you’ve cleared space for a new identity. 

Then human design, we use human design and gene keys to transcend the shadow moment to moment. So we’re, we’re using these in tandem all the time.

It’s not a this, then this, then this. It’s kind of, these are all sort of being used at the same time, where we’re walking you through your map and we’re making sure that all the areas are clear and that you’re stepping into the gift, you’re transcending the shadow and stepping into the gift frequency of your key energies in your chart.

And then I use a hypnotic visualization technique. This is something that we go through in my program where you are, you’re learning to use a specific technique to visualize your future. So we’ve cleared space and now you’re visualizing, so we’re clearing out all of the stuff from the past, and then we’re aligning to a new future and we’re creating a new identity.

And we do that in, in specific ways, depending on your chart. So, this is something that I just, I wanna make sure I hear people all the time, you know, like I’m reframing my thoughts, I’m reframing this, and that’s great. Reframing is wonderful. It’ll get you somewhere. It’s just not gonna get you all the way there.

And I’m an NLP practitioner, so I use these techniques. They’re great for moment to moment, but they’re not going to get you the result that you want. And if you’ve been ping ponging back and forth between having growth and then feeling like you step back, I take two steps forward. I take one step back.

I have what feels like a break. and then suddenly I feel like I lose it or I still can’t take action, or I’m still not getting the results, then that’s a sign that you haven’t really moved things enough to create space for something new. There’s still residue. Those emotions, those past traumas from your history, from your lived experience are gluing you to an old experience.

And we want a new experience. That’s what we’re doing all this work for, right? You can’t, you can’t just visualize your way. You need to break the attachments you have to the past that are holding you back there so that you can create a new future. So, I hope you found this helpful. I hope that I’d love to know what you think about this.

Please send me a message in the dms on Instagram. If you have some thoughts on this episode or how this one hit you, I would love to know, because this is the cornerstone of everything. If you’re working to create a new reality for yourself, then understanding how the law of attraction works and how you can make it work for you rather than against you.

Because right now, if you’re thinking, I’m thinking a bad thought, I have to turn it around, then you’re actually creating another bad emotion because you’re afraid of the thoughts that you’re having and that’s actually compounding and making the emotional experience more negative.

So you’re thinking this good thought and then you’re like, it’s not true. Oh my God, what am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? You’re creating stress in your system, and that’s the truth. That’s what you’re attracting with. So when you can start to look at your emotions differently, when you can start to approach them differently and have tools to move them out in a new way, that’s when you can see, this is when we see quantum leaps. This is when we see people just like, I just changed these things, I’m doing the same things. But now they work. That’s kind of the magic of this. So, I hope you found this useful. I hope that this inspires you to take some different action around your thoughts. If you’re looking for support with this, this is something that we do in the Limitless Entrepreneur Program.

My flagship program. This is the bread and butter of what we do. We walk you through how to become unshakeable. So, if you’re interested in that, please reach out to me. I will let you know all of the details on how you can get into that program, what it looks like, and whether it is correct for you, help you make that decision.

And then if you would like to join us in the masterclass, if you wanna know how to 2X your revenue while working less, then please go to nicolelaino.me/masterclass and register there for free. We would love to have you. Join the contest by submitting a review on iTunes, taking a screenshot, putting it in your Instagram stories, and tagging me at Nicole Laino official, or take a screenshot of this episode.

Tag me in Instagram stories, put it in Instagram stories, and tag me and tell me why you loved the episode. If you’ve already left a review, that’s how you can enter and you can be entered to win a human design experience here on the podcast. So you get to promote yourself, you get to promote your business, and you get to get some wonderful HD guidance on your life, your business, whatever it is that you wanna focus on.

So I hope you found this useful. I hope you found this episode helpful. Please let us know what you think about it. And remember, you are only limited by the limitations that you accept. And when you stop accepting those limitations, that is when you become limitless, everyone. So go out there and be limitless, my people.

I will see you in the next one.

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