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Episode #16 How to End Imposter Syndrome

If you’re like most entrepreneurs, at some point in your career you’ve had thought to yourself “I’m not good enough” or “who am I to do this amazing thing or live this amazing life”. That leads you to look at the other people in your space and compare your journey to theirs. To see your story as less relevant or less moving.

Imposter syndrome creeps up at every level and learning how to recognize it and diffuse it is something that every entrepreneur needs to learn. In this episode, Nicole shares her own personal struggle with this and how you can stop playing small and find true power in your story.


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Hello, and welcome to the limitless entrepreneur podcast. I’m your host, Nicole Laino. And today’s episode is a little bit different, we’re trying something different today. I’m calling this your past has purpose. And this is going to be less of the How to this is more going to be that mystical side, I’m going to tell you a little story today. So what I wanted to talk about, so many people get stuck in feeling like they didn’t have the right pedigree, they didn’t have the right, they didn’t take the right steps, they made a wrong step somewhere along the way. And ultimately, whatever it is, you feel like right now, in this moment, what you want, you are not good enough for, you’re not enough to have this thing that you want to create this beautiful, wonderful, magnificent life that you feel truly called deep down inside of you, you know that you are aligned with it, you know that this is what you are meant to have you are meant to be. But for some reason, there’s something inside of you that holds you back, that keeps you playing small, because you feel like you just aren’t enough that even though you feel so deeply connected to the stream. It it doesn’t it’s not all clear. And there’s something getting in the way, there’s interference between you being the person that you are wholly and fully inside of yourself, living this purpose, and actually being able to create it. Because something in the middle is saying, Nope, you’re not enough. You are not supposed to have that. And I want what I want to become clear in this episode, is that every step of your journey, no matter how awful, it seems, no matter how difficult it was shameful, possibly, or painful. It was, it has a purpose, that every step of your journey has meaning to it in the greater scheme of your life, your purpose, your path. So I don’t want you to be if you feel called to be more, I don’t want you to get caught up in the how it happens. So so many people, what I see happen is they they see their purpose, they say, Well, I want to I want to help people. And what we do is normally we look at it, and we don’t see I want to help people, we say I want to be a coach, I want to have this business, I want to have this great big business, I want to have a seven figure business I want to have and and we missed the core, want we miss the core purpose. And the purpose is to help people, the purpose is to make an impact. And the more you dig into that side of it, the impact that you want to make the change, you want to be a catalyst for the the people you want to help the more you dig into that side of it, rather than the how rather than seeing the business. The the method, the process by which you end up at the seven figure business and you make the impact on people, you leave yourself you block off the possibility that it could come to you another way that you might be able to impact people and help people and make a difference in some other way. Because you are attached to this particular method. Is it my network marketing business? Is it my coaching business? It is it and I’m gonna give you examples from my own life? Is it is it is it through my digital courses is it we get very stuck in the how we get very stuck in this thing, the method and I want you to if you take anything away from this, I want you to remember that it’s not the method be committed to your purpose, not the process by which you fulfill that purpose. I’m gonna say that again, be committed to your purpose, not the process by which you fulfill it. So be open to your dreams, your purpose, your impact, whatever you’re whatever you’re striving for be open to coming to you in any way possible. So let me kind of give you a little bit of what inspired me to create this podcast and to to deliver this episode to you and talk about this particular topic was I I’ve been feeling this a lot in my life. So if you’ve been listening to the show for a while, you might have heard me mentioned that I was an actor that I’m sure you’ve heard me mentioned my core A career. And I mentioned my corporate career a lot more than I mentioned my acting career. And the reason for that is that I think it fits better. There’s part of me that has said that that aligns with my audience that aligns with me being this version, this coach that I want to be seen as. And I need to practice what I preach a little bit more. So I’m going to tell you a little bit of a story about who I am and a bit more about this journey. Because being an actor is an essential part of my journey, I would not be here right now, had I not gone down that path, had I not explored that side of myself, and had I not, I guess technically failed at it, I would not be here right now, I would not be making the impact that I’m making. So let’s just backtrack about, you know how I ended up going down that path of being an actor of exploring that side. And what drew me to it. So I was a really shy kid. I definitely guarded my heart, I definitely was afraid of not being enough. I, you know, I don’t know, looking back, I was sort of bullied, it was not terrible. I wasn’t beat up or anything like that. But kids kind of picked on me. And I did not feel like I fit in I don’t know if I ever really did feel like I fit in. And it was hard. Not really seeing yourself not really feeling like anybody really, really saw you. Outside of my grandpa, I don’t know if I really felt like anybody saw me. And that’s nobody else’s fault. It was just how I felt. And I, I looked to movies, books, stories, and I would see people on stage and on screen, and I would read about characters and books, and I would get lost in it. And I became really obsessed and really connected with becoming somebody else. Becoming, putting out slipping on somebody else’s skin, somebody else’s story and diving wholeheartedly into becoming somebody else. And part of the reason that if you fast forward all these years, why I did not succeed commercially in the acting world, was because you can’t get there. That way you can get there. You can’t become somebody else on stage, because you’re escaping who you are right now. That can’t be why you’re going there. Or at least it didn’t work for me. In fact, to be a a 100%. Amazing, embodied fully fully fleshed out actor, and performer, you need to own every bit of yourself. And I believe that if I were to go back to acting now, having not done it now for years not really worked in years, I think I would be better today than I was years ago when I was studying like crazy and immersed in it. Because I’m so connected to who I am now. But going back to that I wanted to escape, I wanted to be somebody else. I did impressions, I memorized lines from movies, I became these other characters because I so did not want to be me. And I being an actor, I do believe is a dive deep dive into the human experience, what it means to be human. What so when you build out a character, and you’re you’re reading the character on a page, and you’re trying to understand who is this person? What makes her do what she does, what does she have to believe, to do the things that are written on this page? What did she have to have experienced in order to have this reaction at this moment? In this way? How do I make her real? How do I become her? Where I’m thinking like her, I’m walking like her, I’m sleeping like her? I am her. And that, truthfully, is an exercise that you should be doing when you’re figuring out who you want to be who’s the best version of yourself. It is the same process. When you’re looking at the highest version of yourself. When you’re looking at who you want to be the 10 years from now version of yourself who has everything that you want, who has already created the seven figure business or whatever it is that you want to create.

What does she have to believe to get there? What did she have to experience? What does she have to let go of? All of those questions are the same? Because this is a course in being human, this business building, all of it is about being human. And getting in real touch with what makes you tick, what got you here, and understanding how to overcome that, embrace who we are, so that we can become the next level version of ourselves. So if I go back to being an actor to go back to that person, I was that that little girl that I was, who immersed herself in all of this, in all of this performance world. I, when I went to my corporate career, I left the acting behind because it was like, okay, that doesn’t belong here. And then when I burned out on my corporate career, and I went back to acting, because I felt like there was a calling, there was something that was saying, you did not finish what you started, you didn’t, there’s more work to be done. So I went back, and I went, moved to LA. And I said, Now I have to leave this corporate thing behind. This does not serve me here in this acting world. And truthfully, it it didn’t, it didn’t, but every part of me belonged on that journey. And I was disavowing my past, because I thought that people wouldn’t accept it. I thought that it didn’t belong, I thought that well, that was a mistake. Let me close the door on that person. And now I’m this person. And that is not how you should go about anything in your life. And it will not serve you that will not get you where you need to go, only embracing every step along the way. And realizing that there was there were valuable lessons that we’re creating the human being, that you need to be to fully fulfill your purpose in life. When you start embracing and looking at your life that way, you are unstoppable. So I know a lot of entrepreneurs who who do this, they, they start in their business, and they’re like, Okay, now I need to be this person, I need to, I need to close the door on who I was before. Or I need to, I need to be like somebody else. So we start with copying other people. And we see somebody else else’s path. And then we say, well, how can I make my path appear to be that way, because that’s working for them. And what I want you to understand is, knowing your story, is the most powerful exercise you can go through, it is the most powerful marketing tool you can have. And it will ground you and show you everything that you need to know for how you move forward, more so than anything else will. So when we, when we close the door, and we try to lock out a version of ourselves, we are not learning the lessons that that person that that version of ourselves, we are not opening ourselves up to the wisdom of that experience. So if you had a corporate career, and now you’re hopping into your digital course business, if you were a lawyer, and now you want to be a life coach, and you’re not sure how that applies? It does, you just have to ask yourself some better questions about where you’re going, what is the impact you want to make? And then take a step back and ask yourself, Where have I felt like the person I want to help? Where in my life have I felt like that? Were in my life, at what time in my life? Did I experience that? How has my past experience that how does it relate to what they are going to right now going through right now. That we all have to understand that the versions of ourselves that are evolving over time, are all opening up the doors to us figuring out why we are here. What our true purpose is, and how we live it fully out in the world. And the more that we step boldly on that path, the more that we own our story that we own every bit of ourselves and we keep walking forward. That is when doors just start opening for us. That is when the universe says I got you, girl, I got you, you’re getting it. And it starts to co create with you, you have a vision for your future, and you’re not afraid to see it. And you’re not afraid to take every piece of you with it to take every piece of you on that journey, because you can’t leave you behind. If you’re looking at something in your past, and you’re saying, well, that’s who I was, that’s not who I am right now, if there’s something that you have in your past, where you’re saying, you know, if you came from a background where you grew up with nothing, and everybody around you has college degrees, or has fancy networks of friends that will help them grow their business faster. And you look at that, and you say, well, they have that my story doesn’t fit that. So therefore I don’t if there’s part of you that saying, therefore I don’t think I can make this happen. I want you to stop that thought right now. And I want you to look back at every version of yourself every stage of your life, the five year old girl who was afraid to go out on the playground because she was never picked for the kickball team. And she was never asked to join the group of girls that were going off to play. That was that was me. But when we look back, we have to look back and embrace that girl and tell her I love you. I won’t leave you alone. You belong here. Because I could take that story and say, and I have, and I’ll be really honest with you right now, I have said people don’t like Unical because that was a story. That to me was true through my childhood. People don’t like you, the other kids just don’t like you. And that can turn into the call your colleagues don’t like you, or the other kids, the other adults at the party don’t like you, the other entrepreneurs won’t want to work with you. People don’t like you. That’s why you don’t get any likes on social media. That’s why you don’t get comments. That’s why people aren’t sharing your stuff because people don’t like you. That is a story that is not serving me. Never did. And it’s not true. And the more I owned it, and what I had to do was I had to walk back, and I had to really embrace that girl inside of me who felt that who says this story is true, I lived this story. Don’t tell me it wasn’t true. Because I lived it. It was painful. And I am not allowing you to put me in that situation. Again, I’m going to hold you back, I’m not going to let you put yourself out there, I am not going to let you put your hopes in other people’s hands because I’ve seen what that does. And it’s broken my heart before and I’m not gonna let you do it again. And I had to go back and I had to I had a hug that girl. And I had to tell her I love her. And that that is not our story anymore. That that may have happened in the past. But if I look at it, not getting the love that I want from the world because I wasn’t giving the love I needed to myself in our world reflects back to us what we have going on inside.

We can see our path that way. And wait when we can look at our past and see it with purpose. Because that was a lesson I would not have learned that lesson. If it weren’t for those kids treating me that way on the playing field. If it weren’t for all of the heartbreak and the ways that my heart was broken throughout the years, I would not have been able to overcome that and see that I need to fully love and accept myself truthfully, and that I need to do all the work that I possibly can. In order to to move myself forward. I need to I need to self love is the key to most of our problems. self acceptance is the key to most of our problems. Because when you love yourself and you step out in the world with true love and without feeling like you need to hide that You can be fully seen. And when you are fully seen, and you are solving somebody else’s problem, and you are thinking about making an impact on other people, it will come back to you, it will come back to you. But you have to go through that you can’t put yourself out there halfway. You can’t put yourself out there in a way that feels tentative. That feels afraid. I mean, it doesn’t mean that you can’t be scared doing it. I’m scared right now. But it means that you have to, you have to embrace yourself. You have to embrace yourself before anybody else will. So that is the lesson. Now if I were to break this down for you into a how to or what you should focus on, it’s get very clear on what you want. What you feel your purpose is, what do you feel called to do. And the calling might be like I said, to help people, the calling might be to make an impact on people who have gone through something you’ve gone through for me. What I really, when I come back to it all when I sit down, and if I get distracted, or if I feel like my focus is being pulled. And I’m not sure how to move forward. I tune into my purpose. And my purpose when I was a little girl, when I wanted to be an actor, I wanted to I wanted to help other people who felt like I did, I wanted to help. What I kept always came back to was, I want to tell stories, I want to be part of telling stories and show somebody else their way out that I want them to feel seen. I want them to feel like they are not alone. Because that is what these movies these stories did for me. And if you boil that down, it was I want to help people not feel alone and end playing small. I don’t want another woman or man. But I work mostly with women, I don’t want another woman to feel like she doesn’t matter to feel like she should shrink, to make the rest of the world feel bigger. I don’t want her to feel like her purpose is small in comparison to anyone else’s, or that she is not capable of living out her God given purpose. And her God given gifts. I don’t want her to sit on that impulse ever. I want her I want her to see her path. That is my purpose. So that was the purpose. But now you see you fast forward to me being a coach me doing what I do right now working with the people that I work with working with entrepreneurs to grow a business, the core of what I do, my purpose is to help women and playing small to help them see themselves through the light of them being a 100% beautiful, amazing, majestic human, that they have purpose in this life. And if that purpose is to have this successful business and to impact people, I will show them how to do it, I will help them lay the path I will help them find their path. Because truthfully, your path is already in front of you what we have, and I always say this that that the path is already in front of you. We think that the path needs to be revealed to us and we say reveal the path to me. And the truth is, is that the path is already there. There’s just stuff in the way of you seeing it. So you’re already on your path, it’s beneath your feet. But when you look in front of you, there’s a bunch of mess there. There’s the interference of the thoughts, the stories, the beliefs, all of that stuff, and that’s what we need to remove. And once you remove that, the path is not only there, it is clear, it is paved, it is illuminated and it is so easy to walk. But it starts with peeling back those layers peeling back that interference clearing it and just walking forward in faith. You peel a little bit back and you say I’m going to move forward. I’m just going to trust that it’s there. That’s what it truly means. So what is your purpose? What’s the core of your purpose? Forget the business. Forget the method. What is your purpose? What do you feel called to do? At the core, what do you feel called to do? And I want you to write that down. And I want you to sit back and journal or meditate, but tune into what that means to you. And who do you feel you are meant to serve. Because every single one of us in this life, our purpose is not solely about us. It is about other people, it is about our contribution to the collective in some way. And that can be through our children that can be through our work, but it has something to do with something bigger than us. So how do you put your purpose out in the world? And how do you put your purpose to work. So ask yourself that, write that down. And then the how you’ll see becomes less important, it becomes less important the method that we are making it happen. And when the method isn’t as important, then we just have to do things that get us down the path. And if they don’t work, it doesn’t mean as much. So if the webinar doesn’t go well, and you don’t hit your goals, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t going to be successful, or that you won’t live your purpose. You know why? Because there are a million other ways that you could live your purpose, when we attach ourselves to a method to a process, or to the way that it will unfold and the way it will manifest for us, we close ourselves off to all the other possibility. And we attach a meaning to it, which makes it Do or die, which makes the process more important than the purpose and that backwards. So flip it around, and ask yourself, What is my purpose? How do I fulfill it in this world? What would make my heart sing? What is the impact I want to make? And then ask yourself, well, what is the best way for me to do that right now? What’s a way I could make this happen? And ask that better question. Ask that question of the universe and just say, What is the easiest, most efficient and most fulfilling way for me to make this happen right now? What is the next right thing for me to do? And have some faith and just move forward with whatever comes up. So I hope you guys found this helpful. I know this was a different kind of episode. So I would love to know what you think about it, please send me a DM on Instagram. I am at Nick Laino. And I see li n o on Instagram, you can send me a message on Facebook. Or if you’re loving the episode, I always love if you could leave a review on iTunes because that is how other people find us. And I am also hosting a free five day workshop which helps you create the six figure business that you are looking for it is the six figure breakthrough formula. And it has much more to do with doing things like this going deep with your audience so that you can grow and fulfill your purpose. Regardless of how many followers you have. Regardless, again, it’s not the method, it’s not 10,000 followers means I will get x now you can make you can have a six figure business with under 500 followers. I have less than 1000 followers, and I have a six figure business. I am proof positive that that is not the method that the only method that works. There are many ways you can do this. And there are many ways you can make your purpose a reality.

So if you would like to register for that workshop, you can go to Nicole laino.me forward slash workshop. And you can register there we will also link up to that in the show notes. And if you would like to follow me on Instagram, like I said at Nick Laino is my handle over there. I am going to leave it here folks. Like I said I would love to know what you thought about this episode. But in the meantime, you are only limited by the limitations that you accept. And when you stop accepting those limitations. That is when you truly become a limitless entrepreneur. And that is what I want for you folks. Have a great rest of your day. I will see you on the next episode.

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