In this episode, you will delve into the intricate world of Human Design and gain insights into your true self. The focus here is on understanding that we are all uniquely wired, and that’s a source of immense beauty. Some individuals thrive by connecting with others, while others radiate self-reliance. The message is clear – no judgment, just self-awareness.
Nicole shares her personal experiences and delves into five crucial aspects of her design that led her to embrace her need for connection. From split definitions to the Channel of Mating (a name she humorously lobbies to change), the podcast illuminates the power in accepting one’s need for connection. By understanding these aspects of her design, Nicole was able to shed shame and judgment, offering a path for listeners to do the same.
So, for those who have ever questioned their own needs or felt the weight of societal expectations, this episode will serve as a revelation. Human Design is your unique roadmap to success and fulfillment. Join Nicole on this transformative journey and uncover your true self. Remember, it’s time to become unshakeable with Human Design and embrace the magic within. As you embark on this path, know that you are not alone – Nicole is here to guide you every step of the way.
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Hi there. Welcome to Unshakeable with Human Design, everyone. I’m your host, Nicole Laino. Have you ever been called needy? Have you ever felt like you needed people too much or like you weren’t self sufficient? Or maybe you felt stuck until someone came along and helped you. And then if you’ve ever experienced that, what did you make that mean about yourself?
What stories did you tell yourself about what that means about you? Maybe you’ve been someone who has had serial relationships. Maybe you’ve always had a relationship in your life. How has that shaped how you view yourself? So I ask this because some people are designed to need other people more.
They’re designed to need people more. I’m one of those people. I need people. And this was a huge conditioning element for me. Because we value being self sufficient and independent so much. Right? We tend to put that on a pedestal. The people who can just do it all on their own. She doesn’t need anybody.
And I was not one of those people. I needed people. And I remember feeling a lot of shame around that. And I’m going to share my experience with this, because I want to give you some specifics, but it really is chart dependent. Like everything in human design is, there are some hard and fast rules, but actually very few.
There’s so much in the chart that says how you need people. And it’s all about how you look at the entire chart together that says whether you fall into that category of really needing them, where you’re really going to feel drawn, and your performance will be so much better when you are in the physical aura of other people than if you work alone.
Now, other people, they work better autonomously. There are different designs and different synthesis of the design, and certain characteristics, and certain aspects of the design that determine whether someone is a autonomous alone worker or somebody who really needs other people and sometimes more input and is more collaborative.
But what I realized is that looking back, If I if I had known that I was designed this way, I would have been able to let go of some of that conditioning, and let go of some of that shame and feeling of not enoughness, which is what our not-self does. It’s what makes us feel like we are not enough in that openness, or in living as we truly are.
The not-self says, no, don’t be that way that feels really natural to you. Look at the outside world. Take in things from the outside world. Make that your truth. And then hold yourself up against all of these other criteria that the outside world dictates. And then we will decide if you are good enough or not.
And so many of us don’t measure up when we do that because it’s not aligned with who we are. So there’s always this part of us that is just like, but this is how it feels good to me. And the world and the not-self says, no, you can’t be that way. That’s not acceptable. That’s not desirable. That’s not how we get what we want.
And like I said, there are many aspects to the human design chart that can fall into the I need people versus not need people as much. There’s a lot of it, and I’m not even gonna scratch the surface, but we’re gonna dive into a little bit of my experience.
I’m gonna give you five aspects of my design that jump out as if I had known this about myself. And I wasn’t beating myself up so much over the fact that I wasn’t independent enough. I wasn’t as independent as other people. I needed to be around people at certain times for certain things, and I made that mean things about me.
I might have been able to see where some of it was codependency, some of it was actually out of alignment for me. If I knew what was correct for me to say I need people like this. This is actually what my energy is asking for. This is actually what my energy is calling out for, or is reacting to in the outside world.
Meaning when I connect with somebody who bridges my split, there’s a reason why it feels really good and I want to be around that person all the time. There’s a reason that I feel a longing that maybe they don’t. Because that might not be what I do for them. So if I knew about this, I might have been able to see what was happening rather than being turned around, which is what our conditioning does.
It feels good when I’m with that person, then they go away and I don’t feel good. What, what’s happening? I must need them. What are they doing? That feeling, not a conscious feeling, but just that pull toward things that maybe we’re told aren’t that desirable, or it’s just not something that people reward you for, for needing people.
And could it just be an energetic need and not something that feels like you are lowering yourself? Or it’s not a codependent relationship? So people, I’m not talking about this one for me because I have a defined G Center, but people who have an open G Center, an undefined G Center, that undefined identity, they’re naturally going to want to be around lots of different people and take things in that way.
Now, they have to know that can be a conditioning element for them and that can lead to codependency, which is why this knowledge of human design and understanding your design can be so valuable.
So you don’t fall into codependence, you get to use that energetic pull. You can use it and learn from it and this is how it becomes your wisdom. When we say your white space, the undefined stuff in your chart, has the potential to be your greatest wisdom. Everything that’s open has the potential to be great wisdom for you.
It’s part of what you’re here to learn about other people, not about you. So of course you’re drawn to it. Of course you attract it. This is how we attract. So if you understand how it works, then you’re less likely to fall into the shadow function of that, and more into the higher expression of it to say, I know this isn’t me.
I see what’s happening. Let’s play with this. Let’s see what happens when I do this. And then I’m going to break away because I don’t need it all the time. If I had known that I might have been able to navigate life differently and think about myself very, very differently without so much judgment and shame that did come from some of the stories I told myself about the way that I needed people.
So let’s dive in. There’s not even all of them here, we’re not diving into my entire chart. But there are five aspects that really make me feel that pull to other people. And why it’s actually something that I should embrace rather than shame myself for or deny myself because I want to be like this other person. Where it might be an alignment for them to be doing that thing alone.
So the first thing in my design that actually makes me need people more, that makes me connect with people more and faster and need that connection is I am a split definition. I am a simple split definition or a small split.
Those are synonymous terms. What it means is there’s one gate that’s needed to bridge my split. And that one gate is a very, very strong attachment point. And I don’t just have one of them, I have six of them. I have six gates that bridge my split. So lots of people feel really good to me, because there’s a very good chance that almost everybody carries one gate that I need.
Not everyone, of course, but I have a lot of options. There’s a lot of ways that people can spark something with me. I can have an electromagnetic connection that makes all of the pieces of my design work. What’s fun about this is lots of different people can bridge it different ways, so I get to experience all these different connections.
What’s it like if my ego connects directly to my throat? What’s it like if my emotional center connects directly to my throat? And certain people bring that out in me. So, I can play with that. That can be a huge attraction point for me and for them. That can be a way that I play with being productive and seeing what happens when I get single definition through being in the aura of other people.
If I wasn’t so busy beating myself up for needing this, or feeling like I needed it and labeling myself as needy, I could have used it and had more fun. If I knew then what I know now, things would be so different, right?
Okay, the second thing in my design that requires that I need people or that I be around people more.
This one’s a bit different, but this one was absolutely conditioning for me. I have the 59-6 channel, which is the Channel of Mating. Can we please rename this channel? I get that it has to do with sexuality, I get that it has to do with reproduction, I get that it has to do with continuing of the species, that is what the themes of it are.
It’s about intimacy, both sexual and otherwise. However, can we please change the name? Can we call it the Channel of Intimacy instead of the Channel of Mating? I’m lobbying for this change. Anyway, the Channel of Mating, channel 59-6 connects the sacral to the solar plexus. This one for me, I wanted to be close to people.
I dated a lot. I didn’t always have a boyfriend, but I was always interested in what was going on with men and sort of playing the field to some degree. Not always sexual, but just being out there and experiencing that connection. Now sometimes people feel that from me and they get pulled.
But for me, that feeling of, I was definitely independent, but I was sort of that serial monogomist. I had a lot of long term relationships. And that’s something with this channel, that sometimes those relationships are great and sometimes they’re not, but they’re very very sticky.
They’re really tight, there’s a strong bond that I form with people. In all types of relationships, but certainly romantic relationships. So once you get in, you might not be able to get out. And that can be a conditioning force. I had to undo a lot of the stories that I told myself about, why didn’t I just get an apartment by myself for a couple of years and go to Europe like these other people.
And I’m kind of built to look for the right partner. That’s what this channel is about. You look for the right partner. And when you find them, you hang on to them. And I did. The best decision I ever made was my husband. But I had a lot of frogs I kissed before. I had a lot of bad relationships prior to meeting him.
Not a lot, but I had some. And that is that channel at work. And if I had understood that I’m more predisposed to be looking for a partner, to be seeking one, to be open to that, and for them to want to have a bond with me. Not to just have a quick relationship and move on, there is a monogamy to this channel.
If I had understood that, I might have been a lot easier on myself. And I might have been able to look at the relationships I was getting into through a different light. And taken them a lot more seriously, too, and recognize how serious they were. That if I got into a relationship, it might be very difficult for me to get out of them.
So the third thing that makes me more predisposed to need people, designed to need people, is my two line and my unconscious Jupiter. My unconscious Jupiter is a two line, not the second gate, but the second line, which is a gate of partnership. And I’m actually hurting myself if I work alone.
I’m actually hurting myself if I try to do it all by myself. And that was a huge lesson for me. That when I opened myself up to collaboration, everything changed for me. And that is a key focus, both in the way that I coach and the way that I work with other people in my network. Collaborating on podcasts, on events, just in life and in business by having these connections with friends and making partnerships in business, affiliates, all of that opens up doors.
That has opened up many doors for me. So understanding that has been hugely transformative for me. And again, if I had known it sooner, I might have seen growth a lot faster and a lot sooner.
Number four is I have a transpersonal destiny. My 5/1 profile means that I’m here to have an impact on other people, and people are here to have an impact on me.
I literally cannot reach my full potential by myself. So, the message there is stop trying, and notice how you affect people. I started to become a lot more aware of the interactions that I have with people and recognizing that they all have a reason. I can’t hide away in a room. If I do, I’m going to miss something important. Part of my lesson here in life is this lesson of relationships. It’s all over my chart.
Number five, I have three right arrows in my cognition, so those arrows on the sides of your head on your chart when you run your chart, I have three of them. This is very much about needing other people to come into my world in order for me to understand what I really have to offer.
I can’t sit alone in a room with a piece of paper and say this is what I’m going to talk about. And there’s so much more to this. I’m a manifesting generator, so I need to respond to things. I can’t do it alone, but that’s not always people. I can respond to all things in life. So that’s not necessarily about needing people, but it is about needing responses from something to be in response to life.
So of course I can’t lock myself in a room just with the blank page. That doesn’t really work for me. But also where my magic comes out is when I’m in interaction with people and they can ask me questions and then things that I didn’t even know I knew come out of my mouth. And they couldn’t have done that unless somebody asked me about it.
It couldn’t be me just deciding I’m going to talk about this today. It doesn’t often work like that. So by cutting myself off from people, I’d be cutting myself off from my own magic. My purpose is deeply connected to other people. It’s deeply connected to relationships, and I am not a four line.
I have zero four lines in my whole chart. Zero. So it’s not a four line thing. It goes beyond the four line. I know we think about the four line as the networker, as the one that needs people, the opportunist, the person who is connected, the connectors of society.
They’re the ones that connect everybody together and they are connected to everyone. The I’ve got a guy, that’s a four line line. I have zero of them. There are so many other ways that your design is speaking to you, telling you that you have to reach out to other people. And some people don’t. Some people have a much more me focused design.
And that’s beautiful too. But we tend to reward that. We tend to look at that with a lot more admiration. Being able to do something yourself. Being a self starter. Being self reliant. We can look at those people and just be like, look at all they’ve done.
They’ve done it all by themselves. They haven’t needed anyone. They’re an island. And then there’s always the admiration that comes with that. That’s right for some people. It’s not right for others. And there’s another aspect to this, my incarnation cross is also in the quarter of duality, which is all about relationships.
All about bonding. It’s all over my chart. There are always these themes in our chart. And they always hold our greatest lessons. And that’s the beauty of this, that I hope that you take away from this episode, that the truth in your design is going to help you let go of a lot of the stories that maybe you’ve been telling yourself, the labels that you’ve put on yourself, the ways that you’ve beat yourself up, or maybe not owned that you have magic, you’ve been focusing more on what you haven’t had, or what you haven’t done, or why you haven’t been another way.
It wasn’t something that I did constantly, I wasn’t always beating myself up over needing people, but it was something that I had in the back of my mind. Always trying to be more independent. And I was actually hiding and blocking myself from my prosperity.
So the lessons that we have, the things that we have difficulty with, when we can let go of the story, then we can let go of the behavior. Then we’re able to be in alignment with something that’s true to us and that’s how we unblock the energy. That’s when we talk about an energetic block. Energetic blocks actually block you from doing the things that you’re meant to do.
And doing them in a way that will bring the right things to you. This is how this works. So I hope that you found this helpful. I hope this is able to help you let go of something, a label, a story that you’ve been telling yourself that is not true. And you’re able to see the truth of your design.
And I hope that you can see the big theme in your chart. And if you can’t and you’re looking for help with that, I do human design readings. You can go to my website, nicolelaino.com, and go to the work with me section. There’s ways that you can book readings with me. There’s also our Human Design Lab if you want to get your feet wet over time.
Our monthly membership where we dive into a different aspect of design each month, and you also get an accelerator course right when you sign up so you can dive right into your design and start getting into what it means to be your type, authority, your profile, and all of that fun stuff. We do really great things in there.
You can go to nicolelaino.com/lab and we have all of that linked up in the show notes for you. So I hope this helped. Thank you so much for making it here all the way to the end of this episode. Thank you for being here with us and thank you for always being here and supporting the show.
Don’t forget to subscribe so that you don’t miss any episodes. And remember, In order to have an unshakeable business, you must first become an unshakeable human. So thanks for letting us help you on your journey of becoming Unshakeable with Human Design, everyone. We’ll see you next time.