Episode 413:

Welcome everyone. I am so excited to be here today because I’m in person for a couple of these interviews and I am, I asked very intentionally people that I wanted to come here and have the, to sit down with me in person because I wanted to have very not specific conversations in the sense of  I wanted to talk about certain topics.

I just wanted a certain type of person. I just wanted somebody, people who have been doing this for a while, doing their thing for a while, who’ve been on the journey and can talk about it and also have an expertise that, you know, that they can share with, with my audience. So I am so excited to be here with Miss Amy Barco. Thank you for being here. Love.

Oh my gosh. Thank you so much. And I love the intro there., and I’m glad that I was one of those people to, yeah.

I’m honored to have you here. So you are also, because this is a human design show, I always tell. Our listeners, what, what the human design of our guests are, because I think that it, I think it also helps, although they get me and we’re both five one emotional manifesting generators. So you and I are both five one emo, manny gens and you know, so, so they’ve got an example.

But I think it also helps to see that, that, you know, types, profiles, authority, we come in all shapes and sizes. We come in all types of businesses. We come in all types of ways that it expresses in ourselves. so you are a five, one emotional manifest and generator. I know you’re not, you’re not like a super human design person, but you’re like human design.

Curious.

I’m very human design. Curious. Absolutely. I know a little bit about mine, but definitely not the deep dive.

Did, did it resonate for you when you read and kind of first took like a glimpse, ran your chart, got a few, like, like definitions of those things? Did they ring true or were you like, no.

You know what? It’s funny. yes, it absolutely rang true manifesting generator. I, I mean, I do all the things.

, so, which also I know, you know, human design Enneagram. I’m an Enneagram seven, which I feel like is a parallel to that manifestinggenerator. So that landed really easily for me.

I, I’m a seven as well. I’m a, I’m an Enneagram seven. And, uh, it’s funny, Tracy O’Malley is gonna, is gonna come in here later, so we’ll get the Enneagram thing here as I love that.

But the, the seven yes. Multi-passionate freedom. I think that it te tends to go very well. Not all sevens are many gens, but I think a lot of, many Jens are seven. so I, I think it, it absolutely tracks., are you, do you have an eight in your tri type?

No. Okay.

I do, 

oh, do you? Yeah. What’s your tri type

I think it’s. What is it? Three, eight and seven? Yeah. I think I’m a mover and a shaker

That’s the 

what it’s 

The three?

Yes. 

Yes. Which I’ve been mistyped as a three before as well, because I, I am achievement driven.

But at the core, it’s free. I think for me more, but tell everybody a little bit about you, so they have a, a little bit of an intro, you know, outside of, you know, what we’ve already said. Tell everybody just a little bit about you, how you would describe yourself, your business, what you do, and all that.

, so I am. I live in Phoenix. I have two children, two boys, 18 and 12. My 18-year-old. I’m about ready to move into the dorms on Sunday. Yeah, so I’m gonna be half of an empty nester., yeah. Fill in all the fields. That is for sure. I have a PR agency that I launched,, about 12, 13 years ago that I love very passionate about, and I also have a new venture that I started earlier this year called The Pleasure Paradigm.

That’s super fun.

Tell, tell me about that. So, the pleasure paradigm, I think that, you know, our minds can go in a couple of places what we think that that’s about. Tell me what it is and, and how’d you end up there. So you went, how’d you go from pr? I know you’re a mangen and a seven, so we could see where maybe you make some leaps in directions that are not like, you know, make so much like logical sense of like the next step. But, but tell me about, you know, what it is and, and how you got into it.

so the pleasure paradigm it, what I find is women over the course of generations, actually, it’s funny, if you watch some of these, you know, old time, you know, like, Bridger 10 or, you know, those type of movies when it comes to sex, women really have a hard time asking for what they want or being in the forefront of, of what it is that the pleasure that they seek.

And I created this just simply out of being tired of being put in a box, you know, and not really enjoying, pleasure, you know, or I, I shouldn’t say not enjoying it, but not getting to the pleasure that I felt that I wanted and being able to speak up in the bedroom. And I went through a divorce. So, you know, at January of 2020 I separated.

So I was with my, ex-husband for 18 years. And when you’re with the same sexual partner and you’re not enjoying the sex and you don’t feel comfortable saying what it is that you want, I think that it. It it’s very old school. It’s very old time. And that’s just how we were raised though, right? I mean, women were,, raised to be quiet, to not ask for what they want to just do.

To just take and, yeah. So.

the passenger in the, in the bedroom is definitely, I think the, the role that women have been given traditionally. And I think it takes something to, you know, it takes a lot of courage to. Say what you want. And it’s an interesting thing to do that when you ask for what you want in the bedroom to see what all of those thoughts are in your head about what you think will happen if you say this thing out loud, like, what does this mean about me?

What, what, what? Like, and I’ve been with my husband 21 years, so I understand that, you know, you fall into a habit and a, you know, just the way things are. And it takes work to come back to like, well, let’s make this fun. And I don’t think any woman can make it fun and have it be like, yeah, whatever you want. Sure. That’s actually how it ended up the same for a long time. But, I love that you did that. I love that you’ve, you’ve taken this and not just from your own perspective, but you wanna share it with other people.

I think it’s important to share it with other people because it is okay to speak up in the bedroom. It is okay to ask for what it is you want because I, when, with this opening up with me, just the conversations that I have had, I’ve had so many people open up in a very deep, vulnerable, personal way that I would’ve never have.

had, you know, previously I’ve had women tell me that they’ve never had an orgasm. And I, you know, because they don’t feel comfortable like saying, okay, a little bit to the left, or, you know, 

don’t stop,

Right. Don’t stop. I mean, what are you doing? Why are you stopping? I’m not done. 

get back there.

yes. And I feel like I, I’ve had people open up in the most beautiful ways, just having these super honest conversations and by being a vehicle or, you know, I mean, not to, but being an open ear that somebody can actually have this conversation with and feel comfortable.

And I don’t think that, I think it’s a conversation that we think that people will be weird about it, but I think people are much more comfortable having that conversation than we think they will be. Just, no one starts the conversation.

Nobody opens that door to like, so what’s your, you know, how do you open that conversation by the way, Amy?

Like how do you start a conversation with somebody? Do you just say like, this is what I’m doing now, and then it kind of gets, gets going, or like, I’m curious, what’s your opener?

So, okay. You know, funny because when I first said to you the name, the Pleasure Paradigm, you literally were like, oh, you, I mean, eyes slide up. I, I mean, it’s just like all of a sudden, instantly walls come down. So by having just, I started this new thing called the Pleasure Paradigm. Oh, tell me more. And when I tell them more, then they start opening up to me.

And I mean, I had one woman and this was, you know, super deep and personal. She told me that, when she started having sex, it was the most painful, excruciating thing for her. And nobody, she went to doctor after doctor and nobody figured out what was happening. And, you know, it turns out that, you know, she had, I mean she had to have surgery, surgery done to alleviate that pain.

And she never felt comfortable talking about it. But literally, in a group of women, her and I are having this conversation. I tell her what I’m doing and she opens up the most vulnerable way.

Mm. And I do wanna say that if it were a man, they would move heaven and earth to figure out why he wasn’t enjoying his, his sex time so like that’s, you know, we’ll, we’ll put that aside., he’d be like, we need a think tank to put together, like, to put together a think tank to figure out exactly why this is happening to this poor, poor man cannot, no one can rest until we solve this problem., but to her it’s just like, yeah, you know, we’re just not sure.

Yeah, we’re not 

just yeah. 

yeah.

Deal with it deal with it, something with you. Maybe it’s psychological. It’s the only time it’s psychological.

Which to the point, the original point, women are told to just deal with things, you know, put in a box, don’t speak up. So, yes, exactly.

So when you, this, there’s a couple of things I wanna ask, but, but this, what I think is also interesting is, I think when we hear, so when I heard pleasure paradigm, I got even more curious because I think that we have a preconceived notion about what, what it, what it looks like for us to go into, like, receiving pleasure or talking about pleasure, what somebody who teaches it or who’s kind of bringing it to the table. Like we think it’s like there’s, there’s this vision of like, oh, it’s gotta be like some, like exotic, you know. Stick thing, yoga woman who can bend in all of these ways. Like there’s just a way that you think it’s gonna, that, that it’s gonna show up and, and, but you come to it where it’s just like, it’s like, no, sexy is real. And, and you come to it, like, with that open conversation and because that’s the only thing that intimidates me about the conversation is just like, ’cause I, I’m sexy in my way, but like, I’m not sexy. Like, like the, what I, what I picture in my mind is like the pleasure ladies that are like, you know, they’re Instagram, they’re naked and they’re like, they’re dancing.

And I’m just like, yeah, that’s not, that’s not

me. 

not me either, and that’s really not,

We’re five ones baby. That’s not us. And I’m not saying we’re not sexy, but you know, it’s a different kind of sexy and.

it is absolutely a different kind of sexy because there is a classy sexy, which is exactly what the pleasure paradigm is. It’s more about being sensual, being like within your body and just being able to, you know, speak up in, in an authentic, you know, to to yourself. How you feel comfortable way. And you, I mean, and it’s little, it’s just to the point of, you know, Hmm.

A little to the left. Y you know, it’s not like, Hey baby, you, you, that like is cringe, you know? I mean, I’ve listened to a couple podcasts about sex just in this venture, right? And some of them are really raunchy and like, it, it makes me uncomfortable, like listening to it makes me uncomfortable. And that is not what this is.

This is not, you know, dare do I say stripper pole. pleasure. This is just classy, authentic to yourself. Pleasure.

And it’s what resonates for you? I think it’s, part of it is like pleasure is like, it’s a personal thing. And what I think is interesting about this, ’cause as I’m hearing you talk, it seems like it’s an exploration of you actually asking yourself the question of what you want and recognizing that that is worthy of someone responding to that and giving it to you

and, and being open to receiving it. And so I think that that’s so beautiful. You mentioned before we started recording, you said, you know, ’cause you have a PR agency just like, just slightly

Different

than, than this. But you, you said you were like, you know, we’re talking about visibility and pr, but also pleasure and pleasure paradigm. There’s, there’s visibility here. Can you talk to me about what you mean by that and how they intersect?

Yeah, absolutely. So yes, I do have chatterbox and so I, in what my, you know, niche statement is basically is I’m a PR expert. I specialize in putting brands into, in front of Celebr. Featured on television and movies and top tier media. I work with brands to get them the visibility, to earn credibility, to achieve profitability.

So what I do in my day job absolutely is all about getting the brands that I work with visible. Okay. So with the pleasure paradigm, what My night jobs, my moonlighting job,

after dark occupation.

In the Classiest way,that is all about, giving women the permission to lean into their visibility, to lean into, you know, showing up in the bedroom in a very visible way.

Because if you lay there and you’re silent and you, you do not. Ask for what you want or because when, when he’s asking you, what do you want? Or how can I please you? And we say nothing, they’re not asking because they don’t want us to answer. They literally want us to answer. Oh,

Maybe they don’t know what to do and they’d like to perform well.

trust me, I’ve had, well, it doesn’t happen, you know, I, but I’ve been with somebody that had no idea, like where, you know how things work down there? And it was like, Hmm, okay, let me give you a little, you know.

I had that vision of, of that scene from friends. Do you, do you remember the, the Courtney Cox one where she drew a diagram of the, the, the nine erogenous, seven erogenous, A 1, 2, 3, A 4, 7, 4, 7, 7, 7. It’s, it’s, and they’re all looking at it like that was just what popped into my head as she was saying. He didn’t know what to do down there.

So we drew him a map.

They need a map.

some do, it can be complicated down there, new territory, we don’t know. They don’t have one.

So, 

don’t.

you know we make it our job to learn, but you know, everybody’s studies differently. And, you put up something on social media the other day that, it was actually one of the things, I’ve seen you do this before, but I, I think it was when I, I reached out to you and I was like, you going to, are you going, we’re here for the Powerhouse Women event in, in Scottsdale.

And I was like, are you going powerhouse? ’cause I wanted to just connect with you. And, but you had said, you know, the, the best thing I ever did was bet on myself.

Oh yes.

And I’d love to know what your definition of that is. Like what’s you not betting on yourself? Like, I think, ’cause if you, if, if you have a moment of betting on yourself, did you have one where, where you recognized when you didn’t, when you weren’t betting on yourself? And what did betting on yourself look like for you?

Yeah. I love this question. so for, like I said, I’ve been in PR for 18 years. And as a solopreneur, you know, there are times that we feel like we want to burn it down. I mean, we like enter this burnout stage and we’re like, is what I’m doing really working? Is what I’m doing really lighten me up? You know, is this what I’m supposed to do?

And as a single mom and being an entrepreneur, you know, running my own business, owning my home, raising my two kids with no financial help, sometimes you start circling the drain and you start feeling like, what in the actual, you 

could. 

fuck am I doing? What in the actual fuck am I doing? And. Is this really what is, you know, lighting me up, right?

So I went through that stage and, and then I went to an event and I think event and community is something where I bet on myself. Uh, I went to an event and I met Rebecca Cero, which is how you and I met, and I joined her community and I joined her mastermind program and I did her mastermind twice.

Yeah, I did it once. I did it the year before you, yeah.

And that was me betting on myself because I knew what I was here to do was not be a corporate number because I do believe that when you work for corporations, a lot of corporate, because I was in, me when I worked for companies. I worked for medical, companies, medical sales, and I you were a number.

You. That’s all you were. And like what you do and 

And you’re your sales number, right? And sales. Yeah.

absolutely. And if you’re not lighting them up to where they want you to be, you don’t matter. And it doesn’t matter what’s happening in your life. So I thought about, as I was circling the drain before I met Rebecca, I actually started doing the, going down the LinkedIn rabbit hole.

And, you know, thinking, you know, ’cause I’m a single mom, I’m paying for my own health insurance. I, you know, am all of this. So as an entrepreneur, your income, your financial security, it ebbs and flows, you know, depending on things. So, I took all of that and I invested in myself, I bet on myself because I knew that corporate was not something that was for me at all.

And just really putting myself in rooms with, other women that were exactly where I am and want to be.

And when you made that investment, because I think sometimes we hear like there’ll be somebody, and I’ve talked about this on the show before that I think it’s how did you gauge that that was the right investment for you to make at that time where you, ’cause I think sometimes we think that these things will be magic bullets. I know when I joined Rebecca’s Mastermind, I had been, I had my business for a while. I, I really felt like community was the, the area I didn’t know how to build on my own. I, so I went into it not with like, this is gonna change, like my revenue, this is gonna change. It wasn’t that because I kind of had that. Like where I was like, okay, I think this will add, but I don’t know how to in, and it sounds like I have like some weird human handicap, which I guess I do, but like, I’m like, I don’t really know how to make the relationships and like I, I always feel weird in them. I’m kind of awkward and, you know, when it comes to like meeting people in the industry, like how do you build these partnerships that don’t feel I’m really, really kicked out and conscious of people not feeling like I’m using them and, but I understand that there’s opportunities here and I don’t know how to do that. And, and I have a sisterhood wound, so I was like, this is what I’m coming to this group for. And with Rebecca, I was like, I think she’s the person who can open this up for me. I feel that from her. If I walk out of this feeling like I know how to make friends, which again sounds like I’m like stunted in some. Human way. But like if I come out of this with like, where I heal a bit of that sisterhood wound and I feel like I understand how to make partnerships and strategic relationships that feel both like, like there is,we give and we take together. These are like reciprocal

relationships that feel really good then worth the price of admission for me.

They’re genuine and authentic. Absolutely. Well, and it’s interesting because I. When you asked me the question that you asked me was, how did I know that that was the right group? And I had my mom friends, you know? Mm-hmm. so my mom friends are so different than this group that I have, have like leaned into and literally will be lifelong friends.

You, you, I mean, it is such a genuine, authentic, you know, group of women, my mom, friends, they don’t know what the fuck I do. I don’t tell them what I do because I am, I’m concerned that they, you would, would judge me, would like, feel like I’m being boastful. Because not everybody works with Kim Kardashian or Kate Hudson, but I do, and I literally, I don’t tell people that because I don’t want it to come.

’cause I’m a seven, I’m actually a 7 4 9, which Tracy said I wouldn’t be able to do what I did if I, you know. Yeah. So, ’cause I’m the gentle spirit. So my mom friends, I didn’t have what I needed and what I was craving with them because I couldn’t talk about what I did when I met Rebecca. She’s so genuine.

She is like the warmest person. And it was just such an inviting, you know, instant connection group of women that I felt so connected with and felt like it was worth that spend. Right. And. And it, and she helped me. She helped me come out of that shell of not talking about what I’m doing to actually being visible myself.

’cause I used to just, with my PR business, I would, you know, I felt all the credit, you know, belong to my, clients. And it does. Absolutely. You know, I mean, that’s what I, they hire me for, to get them the coverage and to, you know, give them that visibility. But she gave me permission to be visible and to step out of that, you know, hiding spot that shell, that I was in and really lean into myself.

So it. A thousand times over, I would invest in community because, and it’s the right community, not all communities are, are created equal. Back to your IC factor, you know, I’ve, I’m the same way. I don’t, because I don’t want it to be like, to feel like this multi-level marketing, you know? Right. And ’cause it’s not, and it, you know, not everybody’s gonna do pr, you know, not everybody’s going to be interested in pr.

Well, and funny Rebecca has a PR agency too. So, when I first entered her,, community, I was like, is this conflict? You know, because I do pr. And they’re like, no, no. And it was the best thing I ever did. It was really the best investment of me betting on myself.

And I, and you’ve continued to invest in that way and to build community. Is it still, do you feel like the the best investment that you continue to make?

Absolutely. I mean, I’ve done Rebecca’s Mastermind twice. I’ve been in expanders with Lindsay Schwartz three times. and yeah, I’ve done expanders three times. I think Nove, her first expanders was March of 24 and I was part of the first ones. So,, so yeah, I, finding the right groups is really powerful.

And I wanna go to visibility for a second because I think PR is, is, is mysterious to a lot of people. They, you know, myself included, like I, I, I don’t have a problem with visibility yet. I do not enjoy pitching myself. And so am I alone?

No, you’re not.

I don’t think I’m alone. I think it’s, it, it sounds So how do you get over that? How do you help somebody? Because you have a number of ways that you work with people. Obviously you’re working with, you know, bigger brands, getting them, you know, getting Kim Kardashian to wear their stuff, or Kate Hudson, like you were saying. But tell everybody a little bit about how you work with people and what’s some of the biggest issues that you see with visibility and how you help people work with them.

really, it’s like. Well let, can I ask you a question first? You said that you don’t like pitching yourself. What is it that you don’t like about that?

Oh, I have, this is one of my growth edges, which is, is, is, and I, I, I’ve definitely reached a point. There’s points where you’re like, in life. Where, you know, you’re working to grow to something, so you’re like, I’m working on that. And then there’s a moment where you’re not working at it anymore and you’re there and you’re like, okay. I feel like all the work I’ve done, I have now like reached like the new plateau of being able to like, like this is my new floor, you know, and now I’m gonna go and reach for the next one. I feel like I have gotten a lot more self-confident in the sense of feeling worthy, with human design and with what I do. I definitely, because I don’t tell a lot of, I tell my mom friends what I do, and they absolutely look at me like I’m nuts. Not all of them. Some of them are nicer and they tell their husbands when I leave that I’m nuts. But some of them outright look me in the face, like, oh, I love that for you. And

your heart

oh, so fun. no. They’re very nice people, but they don’t get it. Yeah. And so when I pitch myself for something like human design, I think I have a bit of that in my head of like, they’re not going to get it.

And I’ve had people, I’ve had other people in PR where I’ve just talked to the wrong people where I get that same reaction.

They’re like, yeah, you know, I, I don’t know if they’re like gonna pick that up or if they’re really gonna get that, or, I don’t really see the story there and I know that it’s their own, you know, prejudice toward, you know what I do. But, so that’s, I think, I think I have a little bit of that head trash.

Yeah. Okay. And that’s super valid, right? Because not everybody is into that spiritual and, you know, self-care. And I would categorize human design into, that spiritual growth. You know, self care, because for me, I love human design. I love Enneagram. I love all of that because I feel like it, it’s the roadmap to what makes me who I am and how I can navigate myself and navigate myself with other people.

So preach disturbing.

so back to your original question about the pr,, angle of it. First, you’re talking to the wrong PR people. You have to, one of the things that I do with pr, I will not take a client on if I am not, I hate to use the word sold into the product, but I’m not passionate. I’m not passionate about the brand.

If I have no passion for the brand, I am not gonna do well. And if you ever feel anyone that’s listening to this and you’re talking to somebody with pr, if they do not have passion with your brand, you should just turn the other way because they are not going to do your brand justice. So that’s one thing.

the other thing is absolutely there is a story here with human design because it is,self-care is a very hot topic right now. really the breath work and the sound healing, and which I feel, am I wrong, that human design falls right along that, you know, line of those are the type of people that are gonna lean into human design.

If you tell me you do breath work, I’m like, we could probably. Really have a conversation about what I do, and you’ll be into it. Whether you know about it or not, you’ll have your chart by the time we’re done talking. You

know, like I, I know that like if, if you’re telling me you go to a sound bath or things like that, I’m like, okay, we might be, might be my person.

Y yeah. You’re probably more open to hearing what, you know, human design is about.

of connecting with ourselves. And you probably value the same things that I think human design delivers.

Absolutely. You know, it’s funny because I, you know, there was a time that I was on an antidepressant. There was a time that I, you know,, went to therapy, regularly. You know, obviously I was going through a divorce, so. My, all those things were needed at the time, but since I’ve adopted this,other modality of self-care and just knowing myself, I have, I do not take, antidepressants anymore.

I, you know, do not see my therapist as you know, it. It’s more of a, if I feel like I need a, a tuneup, it’s not something I feel like I need on the regular. So I feel like your target audience really is that person that is in self-care, that that is into the self-care. And there are absolutely publications out there that are interested in what you have to say and pitching yourself.

I think people are. I get it. You know, when you have, when people kind of look at you sideways about what it is that you do, and you’re like, okay, so, you know, how am I gonna sell this? You know, you know, to the publisher or to the editors or the journalists, and it’s just knowing the right people. That’s why a lot of people actually hire me or a, you know, a publicist because we go through, we create a customized roadmap for you that we know exactly who we wanna reach out to.

Those people that are covering your topic, and there are plenty of them out there.

So it is just about understanding. And I think that that’s another thing when I, I, I think I said that from the start, like, I think people find PR mysterious, like how do you even break into that? And what I’m hearing from you is that it’s, it’s actually not that hard. You just need to know who the people are. That are writing about what it is that you do or in the realm of it. Like find someone who wrote a breath work article and then go pitch that person. And I think that the other thing that I’ve heard, and I have not taken to heart enough to say like, oh, they need stories too. Like, you know, they’ve got a right to live and they run out of ideas just like everybody else does. And, but, and I think it’s very similar to like this show people pitch me for, to be on a, a guest on the show all the time. I say no, I say no to a lot of people. ’cause honestly, there are people that I don’t know and they don’t, a lot of times the story just doesn’t fit with the mission of this show for me. And I’m like, thank you, but no thank you. Or they write me a pitch that is all about them and, and they’re just like, this is why I’m so awesome. This is what I can do. And it’s like they get the name of my show wrong or they like, and it’s like, you didn’t put any,and I think about that.

I’m like, but then I get a good pitch. And even if they’re not right for the show, I feel bad telling them no. Like, I wanna say yes because I’m like, you took the time to actually craft a really careful pitch that that really did come close to hitting a lot of the notes. And I don’t give myself that. I don’t put myself in the good person person’s shoes.

I put myself in the, in the bad person’s shoes. And that’s just a shortcoming of mine that I’ve been working on since, you know, birth. Just feeling like I’m always putting somebody out with my needs

We’re always our own worst critic, right?

Oh, for sure. I have a, I have, I have my inner critic and I have developed. Far more balanced relationship. however, you know, they don’t go away. Just our relationship has changed.

And, 

And Yeah.

it used to be they used to run my life and basically whip me throughout my, every moment of my day. And like to the point where I was a really like, shy, awkward kid, didn’t have tons of friends so far from the popular girl.

And I think that that was one of the things that intimidated me about, about entrepreneurship, about community, because it did seem like a cool girl’s club. And I’ve never been the cool girl, never. And like I was the girl with frizzy hair and awkward and who just wanted to listen to music all the time and like, hang out with her cousin and just, just, just hang out with like boys and, ’cause they didn’t expect any, like, it was just like we could just chill and it didn’t have to be anybody else.

And that was all I was ever looking for. And then entrepreneurship came and I was like. It’s gotta be like this performance. I was an actor. I like to perform on stage. I don’t like to perform inlife. I don’t, this might not work out for me. And then I had to shift that paradigm of the way that I was thinking about it, and that’s what the Mastermind helped me do.

And that’s what I have to prove to myself that this can be different. I have to prove to myself that not that I can be a cool girl, but that it doesn’t have to be a cool girl’s club.

I think we’re getting to a place where that’s even more true now. I think a lot of the cool girl stuff is starting to fall away a little bit.

Like where it isn’t just about a pageantry thing. There’s, I think there’s a, the, the, the stock of currency is  of authe of authenticity is rising.

I think, you know what, it’s funny that you say that because, I think that’s the rooms that you and I have chosen to put ourselves in the rooms that we have put ourselves in. Are not cliquey rooms. They’re not rooms of, you know, people that are, you know, Ooh. Yeah. We’re not gonna, you know, invite you. It, it’s very inclusive.

It’s very, you know,like I am thinking about the situation that’s happening, like with mom, friends, you know, like at, at our school. you know, all of a sudden when I went back to, I’m gonna go back to the visibility and me, showing up, but I had this group of mom friends. I was, like I said, I was afraid, you know, to talk about what I do and be more visible because I was afraid people would judge me.

Well, the reality of it is, is my mom friends did judge me. Did I change a little bit moving into these, you know, communities and really stepping into them more visible Amy and what I do. Maybe I did change, but I just became more confident in what it is that I do. And now there’s this whole group of mom friends that I used to hang out with on the regular that literally never talk to me now, and, and now they’re, you know, but they’re perceiving themselves as the Cool Girls club.

And I don’t need to be in that type of club, a cool girls club that is going to exclude me because I, you know, may have, said something you, I mean, nothing bad, you know? I mean, I, I’m like the nicest person, you know? I think 

You really. That’s, I can, I can vouch for you there. You really are the nicest person.

Well, thank you. I appreciate that. But back to your, you know, cool girls, you know, clubs. There are those that exist. And one of the things that I have, found is those are not my group.

Yeah. It, it’s not, ’cause they’re not built on something that’s real. It’s usually, you know, I come back to like, was it, is it, is it a, is it Eleanor Roosevelt’s quote? No. I’m gonna screw up who’s, I’m gonna attribute the quote to the wrong person, but it’s, you know, she said that like, the people who talk about other people, you wanna be in the conversations where people talk about ideas and and I think that that’s what was coming to mind as you were saying.

You know, like I started, you know, you started to, you know, be part of these other communities. You started to bet on yourself. You started to. I see that as like you were raising your frequency, you were raising, you were turning the volume up on who you are. And when you shift your frequency, there are some people that won’t be able to tune into it anymore because their radio doesn’t go there.

And either because they don’t want to or they haven’t done the work to access that frequency.

Yes.

And that’s not for us to go and shift ourselves back so other people can feel comfortable or can feel, and it’s unfortunate. but I also think that sometimes, you know, there can be, you can also be the catalyst for other people to change because you’re showing what it’s like to do it and to do it in a way of integrity and, and, you know, expansion’s fun. It’s not always fun, but when you start to feel it working, and I think that that’s, do you feel expansion? Is that what you. You’re in expanders, so you know, but like, but do you feel like, like you’ve expanded since? When did you join Rebecca’s thing? Was it the end of 2023.

may of 2023. Yeah.

2023, you bet on yourself. Do you feel different now

than you did then? How do you feel different?

How do I feel different? I, I feel like I can talk about what I do, you know, with more confidence. And if people are gonna judge me for it, then that’s on them and not on me. I can’t, I’m not gonna hold that burden. I’m going to rise with the frequency, like you just so eloquently said.

And I feel like my frequency has risen quite a bit and I just feel more, more seen by the communities that I put myself in and the, they lift us up. You know, the people that we’ve surrounded ourselves with are really our biggest cheerleaders. They want us to succeed. They want us to, you know, go and do human design for everyone in the world, so it will benefit them.

Or, you know, give pleasure to whoever, you know,, they are our biggest cheerleaders and they’re also the people when we’re having that day that we’re frustrated and we feel like we wanna burn it down. Because trust me, you still think that Right. You know, just be

Oh yeah, I had, July was like that for me, where I was like, maybe it’s all wrong. Maybe it’s all gotta come down. And I’m like, what are you crazy? Like you don’t feel this way. It was actually very astrological. It was just a rough month.

mercury and retrograde 

out of it and I was like, I love what I do. I must have been insane.

yeah. Yeah, exactly. It’s so funny. But I feel like tho the, I turn to tho to my community not my mom friends, because my mom friends aren’t going to, it’s not gonna land the same with them as it does with our people.

They don’t get it and it’s not their fault. No. And I know I have plenty of friends who try, but I realize I don’t have those convers, I don’t try to have those conversations anymore simply because, not because like they’re, they’re bad people or it’s just the advice they’ll give me is so not the advice that I need.

’cause they don’t understand the world that I live in and what I do that they’ll be like, yeah, you know, maybe you just gotta like, cut your losses and, and I’m like, yeah, no, nevermind. Never. No. I’m gonna go call one of one of my woo woo friends that you won’t get either. And, and, and it, and it’s, it’s fine, but it’s, it is true because the entrepreneurial journey is so different than the linear path that so many other people have chosen to take.

And that’s fine. I’m not knocking that path for some people. It’s like, you belong on, like, you’re rocking that path.

For 

go girl.

I tried and it was just like, this is so not for me. And this is so, like, I love, I think entrepreneurship is built for manifesting generators. ’cause it’s just like, it’s like the whole world is our oyster and all the, like, you can be like, you can be a PR maven one day and then you’re like, I’m gonna build the pleasure paradigm.

And it’s like, it’s like if, it’s like, if it’s making me a bigger version of me, then. We’re, we’re on the right track. If it lights me up, it’s working. I don’t know many other places where Mangen can be that free. So I love it, but

In corporate, they’re, they’re like, no, you need to stay in your lane and you know, don’t deviate. You are in the middle lane and that’s it. Do not go anywhere else.

this is gonna take this long. You’re on a path to, you know, this next thing. And, and there was a time where I got that and I was like, okay, yeah. The path. And then, but someone else is really controlling that path. And I really, really like control of my, I don’t like rules. I have problems with rules. I have problems with people telling me what to do.

Are you a Scorpio?

I am a, I am a Virgo, but I am a Scorpio Moon, Scorpio rising.

Oh, okay. So you have a lot of Scorpio in your Yeah. Okay. Oh, that’s right. Your son’s a Scorpio.

I bite. Yes. My son’s birthday is the day before yours. I bite.

I, and, you know, but I also like, we’re also deep moody people as well, where like, there’s, there is a, you know, I, I, the the Scorpio energy doesn’t do shallow,

No, no.

so the, the linear, like, you know, like just keep to the, stick to the script baby. You know? It’s like, oh, oh, but don’t do that.

No. 

Yeah, no. I, I I’m like this free. Yeah. I love Scorpio. Well, I’m a Scorpio as you, you know. the audience may not know that, but yeah, I’m a Scorpio and I have a lot of Scorpio in my chart as well. so I hear, I, I bite and yeah, I’m just this free bird for sure, and I, I just kind of be, have this beat to my own drum and I love it.

I love that. Tell everybody. So tell us more about, you have some PR ways people can work with you. You have some pleasure ways people can work with you. Can you tell everybody a little bit more about those different pathways?

Yeah, absolutely. So I have pr I have where I do it for you. I have a PR consulting where I work with you one-to-one, build out a very customized roadmap, teach you exactly how to do it, and give you all the tools to do it yourself. And I have a digital course that is at your own pace, at, at your your own time.

It tells you everything you need to know about pr. And if you follow my PR formula, you absolutely will get the success that I get. So there’s that, and I will give your audience one tip. you had mentioned earlier about how do you find the people that are covering, what it is, you know, the journalists that are writing.

So what I recommend for everyone to do is create a Google alert on any of your competitors. Any,, self-care that would align with you, breath work, sound healing, and when you receive those Google alerts, it will be articles of, that are written on those, you know, topics. And when you pull up the article, it will give you the journalist names and those will be the people that you want to reach out to.

So that’s a free tip. yeah, that’s gold. It, I mean, it literally is gold because if other people are in your space and they’re getting written about, so should you

That’s the first, like I think the first like pulling back the curtain on the mystery of like, how does this even start? It’s like just find the people writing about the topics that are in your realm,

so to speak.

I love that tip. So wow, go do that.

Yeah, you all go, everyone go do that like right now,

Then now you have these three different ways where it’s like someone can learn to do this themselves. You will help them, or you do it for them.

You have like those three steps. 

And actually I’m offering to your audience for my digital academy. It’s 3 97, but, uh, if you, use the code that we’ll put in the show notes, uh, you’ll get $200 off. So it’s 1 97 and it will teach you everything you need to know about pr.

Yeah, it’s a pretty good deal.

It’s like, here we’re giving it to you. That’s amazing. Thank you for giving that offer.

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I PR is something everyone should do and just, it just gets you. That visibility. ’cause what I call it, I call it the PR formula. To build brand awareness. You need to gain visibility to earn credibility. And when you have that credibility of other people talking about you, that third party talking about you, that’s where your profitability comes in.

So there’s that. And then for the pleasure paradigm, I’ve written four guides. they’re just, you know, guides for women. there’s a guide for, women on how to ask for what they want in the bedroom.there’s a guide for oral sex for men and women, because, you know, sometimes men, like we discussed earlier, do not know how, and we read the map, talk to Monica.

Tape it to my thigh.

So for oral sex and then, how to give women, there’s one for men for how to give women pleasure in the bedroom. And those guides are, $26 and you can buy all four for 86

Wow. We will link all of that up in the show notes

for you.

so you don’t have to go and remember anything. But those are some really amazing deals,

and we’ve just covered a whole lot of ground as far as like what we can improve in their lives and their businesses with

absolutely.

like under 300 bucks.

Yeah, absolutely. Well, and if you, I have a quiz. what is your pleasure archetype? We will link that in the show note. That’s a free quiz.

wanna take that. I’m gonna take that. ’cause I don’t, I, I, I don’t know what my pleasure archetype is, but now I’m curious. I have one more question for you about human design and ’cause it, it relates to all the things that we’ve been talking about. So you’re a five one. I’m a five one. The five is known for being, having influence over strangers more so than influence over the people that they know and are close to them. Now, you have, you’ve said community is the thing for you that has like really helped you bet on yourself and grow., do you find that to be true? So I’m saying it to you. I, and I’m guessing that’s the first time you’ve heard that put that way. How does that hit you?

so accurately. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I feel like, a lot of times strangers are captivated by me. and I, I never knew why or how, but then, you know, yeah. People that I know. When you say people that you know, is it like people that you know, like in your family or like your groups of friends or just people in general.

It’s all of it, but usually the closer they are, the less influence you have.

Okay. Okay. So that lands super well. yeah, yeah.

Like family. My sister has never asked me what I do. I’m assuming she knows, but like we have never had a conversation about it. That’s how little influence I have.

Oh my goodness.

The only time I do is if she asks for it. I don’t offer shit. Because the other thing, the five needs to be invited. Like we need to, we, we have polarizing energy, we have, there’s projections, there’s a whole host of things that come with the five, but the, you know, and so unless people ask us for things, so if my sister comes to me and is like, and there have been a few things in her life where like shit’s gone down and I’m the phone call that she made, then I can have influence, but only then otherwise it’s she misinterprets what I’m saying and what I’m meaning and what I’m doing. And it’s just, it’s not a, it’s not a good thing. So I don’t even go there. But yeah, like with family, friends that are super close, there tends to be less influence. But when you speak on a stage or you have a podcast, people are like, oh my God, you’re my person.

Right. Okay. Yeah, I love that. And yeah, that’s the first time,I have heard that. So two things. one, what is your sister’s human design?

My sister, I don’t know what time she was born because we haven’t had this discussion, so we’ve never talked about it, but I’ve run her chart and I’m pretty certain she’s a one three emotional generator.

Okay. Okay.certain on that.

okay. And the other thing is, is even though I said what, that your sister doesn’t know, my mom has no clue what I do.

Yeah.

So, and you know, I think when she asks questions, she just looks at me sideways at, with what seems like judgment, you know? and so that might be my own internal feeling that it’s judgment, but that’s what, that’s the feeling I get.

Do you have any sense that your mother, I don’t know your mother, I don’t know her story, but just as you’re saying that. could she be jealous? She won’t listen to this? ’cause if she doesn’t know what you do, she’s definitely not listening.

We can edit it out. If you, I

I, no, no, you don’t need to edit it out at all. it’s so interesting that that is the question that you ask because that is exactly what everyone says. not that they don’t ask the question, they actually make the statement. She’s just jealous of you.

the five has a projection field. Projection field. What it really means, it’s a weird concept that usually takes some getting used to. So I’ve developed a million different ways to explain it because there’s so many ways before people really get it. But basically the first one that I heard was like that we’re like a foggy mirror that people don’t really see us. There’s actually this like picture, like a film in front of me, and that film is not, you think you’re seeing me through it and I’m the mysterious one, right? Where you’re just like, I don’t know. I can’t get a total read on her, but, and but really what you’re seeing is you’re seeing a reflection of yourself and you’re seeing, and you don’t always like what you see and, but you’re seeing it through this like, projection of me. So that’s one way that it works. Does that make sense? Am I

Yes. Oh my gosh. That makes so much 

And so when I say like, is she jealous? It’s just the more you show up, is she seeing more how she didn’t? And obviously this is a human thing that happens, but fives we tend to, that’s what we’re here for. We’re here to show people where they are hiding from themselves. Now that’s wonderful when people hire us to say, what am I hiding from myself? And I’m just like, I could tell you I’ve been invited. Now we’re in, and now, now transformation is happening. My Scorpio moon and rising is having a time and very, very happy with that. But when it’s just life, they’re misinterpreting you and your motives and your things, but it’s their stuff. So that’s the, just wanted to throw that out there. It usually makes fives feel a little bit you know, take it less personally. ’cause it’s not really about us when it comes to that stuff. There’s always room for reflection where you say like, is there something for me to work on? Is there anything that I did, do I have any part in this?

Like, we’re still human beings who have many flaws and faults, but if you come through that and you say No, I really don’t feel like I did anything. I had good intentions. I showed up. I felt like I kept my side of the street clean. Mm-hmm. Taylor Swift is also a five one. I feel like many of her songs speak to the five. I keep my side of the street, street clean. The karma is a five one song. it’s if you feel like you’ve kept your side of your side of the street clean, then you say like, I feel pretty confident this was a projection. And they’ll either get what they need out of it or they won’t.

oh my gosh. I love that. And that lands so well. yeah, that lands super well. It’s fun. Yeah.

I just wanted to, I I was curious about that because in your communities and the communities, is it, is it the, what the community did for you internally that gave you the biggest shift? Or has it also translated into external? and, and I don’t need specifics around that, but I’m just curious about that. ’cause I think that we function differently in communities than like a four line where they’re meant to have influence on the people close to them. So the minute they meet somebody, that’s where their influence is greatest. So, Lindsay Marie. Former Lindsay Schwart, she’s a two four. So there’s just this like, people feel like they know her and the more that they feel like they know her, the more they want to be near her.

And now she has influence over those people that she, that feel like they know her. It works differently for us. So I’m just curious if you’re comfortable answering, in those communities, does it feel different than the way I just described Lindsay? Or does it feel like where the, the community did work on you internally and that’s like the big, like for me, community opened me up internally made me feel safe in community. And I find that in my communities, I don’t necessarily, there aren’t like in my community where those people are hiring me necessarily for all of that stuff, but they will tell other people about me, which is strangers.

And then those people hire me. So that’s, that’s just just a reflection. I’m curious of, I’m always curious what people’s lived experiences with their design.

I feel like, I feel like exactly like what you’re saying is, you know, I enter community and it’s helped open me up. It’s, it’s, yeah, I feel like when I’m in community, it, you know, I just feel, very open and seen. Yeah. Does that make sense? And especially in this entrepreneur community, you know, I feel like I could talk about, you know, pr the pleasure paradigm and nobody’s gonna look at me sideways, you 

they’re all like, tell me more.

Yeah, yeah. 

Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah.

I think that’s what I love about entrepreneurs too. We’re kind of naturally curious, fascinated people, which I love being around that energy. People that are like, Ooh, I’ve never heard that. Not like, Ew, I’ve never heard of that. Yeah. They’re like, Ooh, what’s that? Is that something I should look into too? Because I’m game, you know, like there’s, there’s just this like I’m game for this.

Right. Tell me more. I want to, yeah, it’s like, Ooh, what do you mean? You’re going to do an energy clearing on me? And it’s like, yes, please. 

An 

do I sign up?

I am so down for this. so is there anything that you wanted to say to our lovely listener who’s been hanging out with us for this conversation? Anything else that you wanted to say or share?

You know, if, if you’re feeling stuck and unseen, whether it be in your, you know, career, whether it be, you know, in the bedroom, you deserve to be seen. And I’m just inviting you to give yourself the permission to be visible in whatever aspect, whatever road you’re taking it is. Okay. And Nicole and I are both here, you know, because we stepped out of that imposter syndrome, out of that, you know, not being seen stage.

And I love that for everyone. So.

The thank you for saying that. What was coming to me as you were saying that was like, it’s like visibility is like lifting the veil. It’s like, it’s not just about like being everywhere all the time. It’s about, you know, just, just saying, I’m not gonna hide behind this anymore. I’m allowing myself to, to really be seen. And I think that that’s, that’s the consistent exercise that has gotten me. ’cause it isn’t just like, oh, I’ve been more places and I’ve been, there have been times where I’ve been way more visible than I am now in like the strategic way where I’ve been more places. But I don’t think I’ve ever been more exposed and vulnerable and real and being like this, just me than I am now.

And I’ve never been more successful than I am now. And I don’t think that that is, that they are unconnected. I think that they are intrinsically connected.

Absolutely. Absolutely. And if you know, people are going to look at you sideways, and, and I say that, you know, because you know when you’re like, huh, and you tip your head. That’s why I always go to that. But if people are gonna look at you or, you know, give you the okay. Maybe you’ve aged out of those people.

Maybe you’ve outgrown those people and sometimes that’s something that’s hard to accept and to, you know, deep down it’s like that pit in your stomach. It’s like, oh, but I don’t know that I’m ready to let that go. It just, if you feel like that, then maybe those aren’t your people anymore,

And that’s

and that’s okay.

Yeah. I completely agree with that. And it doesn’t have to be this horrible, and you don’t know what the future holds. Maybe they grow and change and they come back. But don’t hold yourself back in order to stay in somebody else’s world that doesn’t feel right for you.

Absolutely. Judgment is not something that you should hide behind because you feel like somebody’s gonna judge you.

No, for sure. You sacrifice yourself in that, in that paradigm.but I’m so grateful for you being here. Thank you for doing this.

my gosh. Thank you so much. This has been, this made my day. I, I, yeah. I am so happy to be here with you.

Oh, that makes me so happy. It is this, honestly, I’m so, so thrilled that you came and I’m so happy that we got to do this. I’ve wanted to have you on the show for a long time, and I’m so happy we got to do it in person. This made it extra special. and thank you, listener for making it all the way to the end of this episode with us.

We appreciate you. And remember, in order to have an unshakeable business, you must first become an unshakeable human. So thanks for letting us help you become unshakeable with human design. We’ll see you next time.