In today’s episode of “Unshakeable with Human Design,” host Nicole Laino dives deep into a question posed by a member of The Human Design Lab, on a topic many grapple with but rarely contemplate through the lens of Human Design: the fear of abandonment.
Often stemming from having a 4 line in your profile and being in the shadow frequency of that line, known traditionally as the “opportunist,” Nicole sheds light on how this fear can manifest and affect our closest personal relationships. What does it mean for those who inherently build strong bonds, yet find themselves wavering between connection and the fear of losing it?
She explores the complexities of conditioning – both energetic and environmental – and how they intertwine with trauma, from the subtle moments to profound emotional scars. You’ll learn the importance of understanding these triggers, not as chains holding us back but as potential gateways to healing and growth. Dive in to discover how understanding your Human Design can guide you away from the shadows of fear and towards a life of genuine connection and trust.
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Hey, welcome to Unshakeable with Human Design, everyone. I’m your host, Nicole Laino, and today we have a question from somebody in my Human Design Lab, which is our monthly membership that we have, which is totally built around helping people like you experiment with their human design, not just learn about it, but actually put it into action and start to see its effect in the world, see how it starts to play out, and how it starts to change your life because this is one of the things with human design that people often miss.
They think that they’re doing it, they think that they are using it, but it’s having that constant reminder and accountability to be checking in with yourself. And am I noticing these things? Am I aware of these elements of my design? That’s where the magic happens.
Because you can listen to podcasts like this, you can read books, you can read all the blogs and save all of the Instagram carousels that your phone can hold, but ultimately it’s not really going to feel true. It’s going to feel like yeah, I get that, but… until you actually start to see it have its effects in your life. Until you actually start to see what the experiment holds for you.
I can tell you all the stories, but until you’re doing it yourself, your brain will probably reject it because it doesn’t make sense. Human Design is going to tell you to do things that do not make sense. And they will lead you places that you couldn’t have planned for.
They’re better. That’s the power of it. So, the Human Design Lab is the place where we are experimenting, hence the name Lab. We are experimenting in there, and I give monthly experiments and weekly experiments for everybody to be doing to get deeper into their design. So what I wanted to frame this episode around was a question that came up from one of our members inside the group.
And I’m going to protect her identity, and I’m going to make this a very general question, but it was a good question, and I think it’s one that comes up a lot. So, she was talking about some experiences that she had, and she was asking where a fear of abandonment comes from. And given her human design, how does she address it?
And what does she do when she feels it? She said she struggled with this for a long time. So, this particular member is a 4/6. And the 4 line, first and foremost, the 4 line, we know is the opportunist. That’s the traditional name for it. We call it the networker, it’s more how I look at it.
The four line is about relationships. It’s about close, personal relationships. Now, everything in human design, we can all look at it like a binary. It can be to have it or to not have it. So to be a connector, to be somebody who is social, and outgoing, and allows people in and builds strong bonds with people.
Where people just want to help four lines. They do. I see it all the time. I am not one. I have zero four lines in my entire design. And so I envy them. I really see it out in the world. I see it work and I’m like, wow, that must be interesting to have that energy. Where people just feel close to you automatically. And they want to stay close to you.
Cause that’s really what it’s about. Cause I can have closeness with people. I have a 59-6 channel. I have very deep connection with people. However, it doesn’t necessarily last like the four, because the four is the ultimate connector. Once people come into your world, they become part of your network.
And then they are just in there where you can call on them, or you can meet them someplace else, and there is always that connection. They always feel that for you. And your opportunities come from the connections that you make. That is what the four line is all about. And there’s more to it, but that’s the high level CliffsNotes version of what the four line is.
Now, like everything, the binary is to have it or to not. And the shadow of the four line is to be closed off from people, to not allow people in, to close your heart. And to block people out because of a fear of abandonment. And it can show up like that, the fear of abandonment, the fear that they will leave, this fear of closeness.
And ultimately when you’re living in the shadow, this is why profile is so important. It’s why I focus so much on it in my coaching, in the Lab, everywhere where I work, and in my own life. If your profile is out of alignment, it’s going to throw everything off. So if you’re interested in diving deeper into profiles, just DM me profiles on Instagram.
I’m @NicoleLainoOfficial. We’ll send you the link for our free profiles masterclass if you want to dive into that. Because it’s a cornerstone of your human design journey. So with the four line, if you are living in the shadow of your four line energy, of your four line profile, then you are ultimately throwing your entire design off.
Because if everything comes through people and you’re closed off from people, this would be the first thing that I would work on deconditioning. And my answer to her was inside the group, that there’s two types of conditioning. So what do we do with that? Okay, so I know I have a fear of abandonment I know it’s a low expression of this thing that I have in my chart.
What do I do now? Well, there’s two types of conditioning we’re always looking at, and you treat them differently. So there’s two types of conditioning there’s one that’s energetic conditioning and then there’s another type of conditioning which is more environmental or external.
So it’s experiential. What have you experienced? And that’s where the trauma comes in. Small T, big T trauma. Put them all under the same umbrella. Obviously, we deal with them with greater levels of sensitivity, but any type of emotional scarring or something that has left its mark on you qualifies as trauma if it changed the way that you are acting today. So something in the past that causes you to have one of those hot stove moments, where it’s like you put your hand on the hot stove, the first time you burn yourself, you’re much more careful, you stay away from that.
Some people might just be like, I know to be really careful when I’m at the stove. Whereas someone else might be like, I’m never going near the stove again. And this is where we have either trauma we learn from, or we have trauma that keeps us from living the lives that we want to live.
So, there’s two ways that we deal with this. The energetic conditioning is just the low frequency. We’re looking at awareness there. We are becoming aware of it and we work to shift our relationship to that fear of abandonment. Can you look at it just like, oh, that’s just a low expression of something that I am.
And then there’s the deeper work, which typically, if something is sticking around for a long time, the deeper work is necessary. And that’s the stuff that we do with my EFT work, where we go into breaking the emotional connection that you have to the fear of abandonment. So, if you had a parent that was either emotionally absent or physically absent from your life, then you might have a fear of abandonment. If you were left by a spouse, you might have a fear of abandonment.
And you need to dive into those emotions and how those things made you feel in in order to break the connection between you and that thing. Our emotions are the glue that keep those experiences that we did not enjoy that keeps them tethered to us.
It keeps us in the realm of that experience rather than in the realm of moving on from it, which is where we all want to go. We want to be free of them. But you have to first go into the emotion. You have to feel the emotion and go into the experience again in order to be free of it. At least that is how I approach the work. We have to go and look at it head on in a therapeutic way so that we can be free of it in the future.
And that’s always what we are looking at is how is this trigger, how is this low frequency of something showing me a wound that needs to be healed and an area that I need to move on from, that I need to do that work around. So our triggers are gifts. I’ve said this on the show before.
Triggers are gifts. If you can change your perspective to look at them that way. And to see them all as the universe lovingly telling you where you need healing, rather than just things that are keeping you stuck and stuff that you want to get rid of. If you can look at them all like parts of you that protected you from something in the past, you needed them.
They were useful. Say thank you. Honor them. And then you can move on from them. And I always look at it like these are parts of you that are running the show without you knowing. They are pulling strings. They are like the puppeteer, guiding your actions or guiding you away from action in your life without you knowing that they’re doing it.
That’s what self sabotage is. They’re useful. We don’t want to take those parts and just throw them out. We wanna take those parts, honor them, say thank you, and then bring them on our team. Because sometimes it’s the fire that we have inside.
Sometimes it’s our willpower, our drive or determination, even anger, can have its place in allowing us to stand up for ourselves. We don’t wanna throw these things out. We wanna bring them on our team. We want to bring them under our guidance and under our management rather than them running this sort of side program out there and pushing your actions in directions that you do not want to go in.
So human design, how this helps with it is you start to trust in your design and you’re moving based on your design and not based on your trauma. Operating correctly is how we overcome energetic deconditioning and some of the trauma, but a lot of times if you have experiential trauma that you’ve had in your life, there’s some deeper work that we need to do in there of just moving those emotions out and moving past them.
And then we can be free of them. So I want to thank that member. Thank you for asking that question. Thank you for being here all the way to the end of the episode. Again, if you want to watch that free masterclass on profiles, which was what this episode was all about, if you want to watch that free masterclass on profiles, please go to Instagram.
I’m @NicoleLainoOfficial. Send me a DM with just the word Profiles, and you’ll get a little bot that sends you a link directly to that Masterclass, and then you can take it and I promise you it’s awesome. It’s a really wonderful masterclass and it’s short and it is totally free. So that’s totally awesome.
I hope you take us up on it. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being a fan of the show and a loyal listener. We appreciate you. And remember, in order to have an unshakeable business, you must first become an unshakeable human. So thanks for letting us help you on your journey of becoming Unshakeable with Human Design, everybody.
We’ll see you next time.